Six Years

Six years.
Three Hundred and Twelve weeks.
Two Thousand One hundred and Ninety days.
Fifty Two Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Minutes.
A lifetime.
A mere moment.
Time passes so quickly.
I am thankful that my memories are enduring.
My Fallen Family, know that you are all thought about and loved.

World Trade Center - The Movie.

I watched The World Trade Center (movie) today.

For those of you that aren’t aware, I am very emotionally involved in the collapse of the twin towers. I lost Mark’s mom on September 11^th. I lost Mark five years later because of it. I was in NY on September 13^th after taking a grey hound bus across Canada to Toronto and hitch hiking a ride across the border with a Canadian Blood Services team.

I was able to spend a lot of time at ground zero with Mark, Dominic, Toby, Jesse, and Matt (aka: The Boyz) helping to do whatever was needed. I made food, handed out water bottles, DNA tagged body part remains, assisted with first aid for the men and women working in the wreckage, organized WTC security ID cards that were found, helped put up missing posters, helped clean rubbish and scrap metal…and once I was allowed onto the actual wreckage site. I was allowed (with NYFD assistance…) to climb some of the wreckage and just sit and cry surrounded by the insanity of it all. It was like being lost in a world of smoke, fire, and ash, and though there were people working on the site, there was this horrendous silence.

I helped Mark move, packed his apartment which was three blocks away from the WTC site and bought him new furniture for the home on Long Island that I found for him, I carried a leather hide-a-bed couch SIXTEEN bloody blocks because we were not allowed to get a moving van any closer. I planned my 2^nd mom’s funeral and held Mark, Dominic, Jesse, Toby and Matt together as the insane Italians descended.

I have had to spend a lot of time with the insane Italian’s since 9/11 and while I am able to recognize that they are all truly crazy, they are also some of the most amazing people I will ever have the pleasure of knowing and calling “family”. They are the family that I choose, not the family that I was born to, that makes them all the more special.

The first anniversary of September 11^th I went back to New York to be with my Boyz and participate in the memorial service(s). I held Mark’s hand as he climbed the rickety stage stairs and read his mother’s name out loud. I was able to reconnect with some of the true hero’s (and heroine's) I met and worked with and was held closely while I grieved the horrendous loss of it all.

I have lost everything I held dear and true because of the events of 9/11. I will never forget September 11^th or anything that has happened since. It is too soon, and I am still to raw to be objective about the movie I watched today…so without further ado, here are my thoughts about it.

In some ways, watching this movie was almost like watching a cartoon…the graphicness of the buildings collapsing didn’t really seem to affect the actors emotionally. They seemed much removed and not at all emotionally involved.

Maggie Gyllenhaal was a complete disaster in this movie. It was like watching a robot try to be human. It pissed me off.

Michael Pena (aka: Will Jimeno) was…well…almost as bad as Maggie Gylenhaal (who was playing his “wife” in the movie.) but at least made an attempt to stretch his emotional abilities as an actor. It still came off as very poor and weak.

Nicholas Cage…as soon as I heard he was going to be the “lead” (John McLoughlin) in the movie I thought “aww, Jesus…seriously?!?!” and sadly, my opinion hasn’t changed. There was no sense of panic, urgency, despair…nothing…but he did have ONE speech at the very end of the movie that touched me.

“9/11 showed us what human beings are capable of. The evil, yeah sure, but it also brought out the goodness we forgot could exist. People taking care of each other for no other reason than it was the right thing to do. It’s important for us to talk about that good. To remember. Because I saw a lot of it that day”

- Nicholas Cage as John McLoughlin.

I hated the idea of this tragedy being made into a movie, regardless of how tasteful it was done, but I was willing to at least make an attempt to embrace it. I know Hollywood is going to continue to attempt to profit from this insufferable nightmare. I know they will continue to slot pathetic actors and actresses into true hero’s roles and watch them fail miserably. This will be the last movie or gimmick from Hollywood regarding September 11^th that I spend my money on.

Hollywood should’ve asked the REAL hero’s from that day to play the parts. I recognize that most of the men and women who were a part of the initial few days after the Towers fell would most likely not want to be involved in a project attempting to re-create that day. They probably go to sleep with it every night and wake up with it every morning. I know I do.

This movie could’ve been amazing. It could’ve been about the undeniable ability that the human race has to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and continue to lead true, honest, real lives as best as they can. Instead it was about…nothing.

Hollywood made no attempt to show how the world rallied around the events of September 11. They made two very weak attempts to portray how many people from all over the globe came rushing to the aid of New York, Washington, and Pennsylvania. They showed none of the candle light vigils, none of the shocked and horrified people grieving on the streets, only a few of the missing posters from a hospital wall, none of the fire house and police house memorials…they didn’t tap into the emotional investment people felt (and still feel) because of this event. It was all very clinical and much removed.

The only honest and raw part of the movie came at the very end when they ran the NY Port Authority list, the NYFD list, and the NYPD list, of the fallen hero’s from that day.

This movie was made to soon, and it was made badly. No wonder it completely flopped at the box office. I hope the Hollywood money makers take that into consideration the next time they try to exploit something so very painful.

Remembering New York

Tribute to the New York Firefighters

“Keep climbing” says the captain,
“Up through the smoke and smell”
“Keep climbing” says the captain,
“I think I heard somebody yell”
“Keep climbing” says the captain,
“Alive or dead, not ours to tell”
“Keep climbing” calls the captain,
“Forget about your pain.”
“Keep climbing” shouts the captain,
“We have a few more floors to gain”
“Keep climbing” yells the captain,
“We’ll bring them down again”
“Keep climbing” cries the captain,
“If I can, so can you”
“Keep climbing” orders the captain,
“Right now I need the best from you”
“Keep climbing” screams the captain,
“Forget about those sounds.
“It’s just some girders twisting and some concrete falling down”
“Keep climbing” prays our captain,
“Eyes raised, heading for the top.
“And when you’re tired and feel like quitting, remember them. They didn’t stop.”
“Keep climbing” whispers the captain,
“Climb up to that light.
“Right up to that sunshine. No smoke to smell, no fire to fight.
“Keep climbing” sings the captain, “That angels hand will lead the way.
“Rest now” sighs the captain, “You did your job today.”
~Author Unknown~

Beastie Boys - An Open Letter to NYC

Two Thousand One Nine Eleven.

Two thousand one, nine eleven

Five thousand plus arrive in heaven

As they pass through the gate,

Thousands more appear in wait

A bearded man with stovepipe hat

Steps forward saying, "Lets sit, lets chat"

They settle down in seats of clouds

A man named Martin shouts out proud

"I have a dream!" and once he did

The Newcomer said, "Your dream still lives."

Groups of soldiers in blue and gray

Others in khaki, and green then say

"We're from Bull Run, Yorktown, the Maine"

The Newcomer said, "You died not in vain."

From a man on sticks one could hear "

The only thing we have to fear...

The Newcomer said, "We know the rest, trust us sir, we've passed that test."

"Courage doesn't hide in caves You can't bury freedom, in a grave,"

The Newcomers had heard this voice before

A distinct Yankee twang from the Hyannisport shore.

A silence fell within the mist Somehow the Newcomer knew that this

Meant time had come for her to say

What was in the hearts of the five thousand plus that day

"Back on Earth, we wrote reports,

Watched our children play in sports

Worked our gardens, sang our songs

Went to church and clipped coupons

We smiled, we laughed, we cried, we fought

Unlike you, great we're not."

The tall man in the stovepipe hat Stood and said,

"don't talk like that! Look at your country, look and see

You died for freedom, just like me"

Then, before them all appeared a scene

Of rubbled streets and twisted beams

Death, destruction, smoke and dust

And people working just 'cause they must

Hauling ash, lifting stones,

Knee deep in hell But not alone.

"Look! Blackman, Whiteman, Brownman, Yellowman

Side by side helping their fellow man!"

So said Martin, as he watched the scene

"Even from nightmares, can be born a dream."

Down below three firemen raised

The colors high into ashen haze

The soldiers above had seen it before

On Iwo Jima back in '44.

The man on sticks studied everything closely

Then shared his perceptions on what he saw mostly

"I see pain, I see tears, I see sorrow - but I don't see fear."

"You left behind husbands and wives

Daughters and sons and so many lives are suffering now because of this wrong

But look very closely. You're not really gone.

All of those people, even those who've never met you

All of their lives, they'll never forget you.

Don't you see what has happened? Don't you see what you've done?

You've brought them together, together as one.

With that the man in the stovepipe hat said

"Take my hand," and from there he led five thousand plus heroes,

Newcomers to heaven

On this day,

Two Thousand One, Nine Eleven.

~Written by Paul Spreadbury~

Can patriotism go TOO far?

Can patriotism go TOO far?
That is the question I am pondering right now.

First things first, I have MANY American friends, some of which are my dearest and truest friends in the world. This is in NO WAY a slam against them, but rather serious questions posed to create a discussion on points of view.

I was reading a friends blog, where she posted a July 4th “being American” blog. The reaction to her posting was varied and mostly supportive as it was predominantly Americans posting replies/comments.

One lady took her patriotism, IMO, WAYYYYY too damn far. It really irked me. She said: “If you're not an American, kindly STFU because this is an AMERICAN holiday and if you aren't one, well - then this is truly a day for you to realize just how badly it sucks to be you.”

Well, I just HAD to reply to that. I mean really. My reply was:
"*name deleted*...that statement is ridiculous and obtuse, and it beautifully illustrates why the rest of the free world really has very little use for "Americans" in general because they would rather blow offensive hot air than be logical and intelligent. I am NOT, nor do I ever want to be, an "American." I have dual citizenship between Norway & Canada and as such I am free to travel the world (and yes, I have been to 48 of America's 50 states) wearing my Canadian Flag pin and I am treated with kindness and luxury where ever I choose to go. Five of my dearest friends in the world were American and though they have Canadian Citizenship as well, after 9/11 they chose to give their lives for their country. I have other close friends that are American as well, and I am quite happy to say they are more tolerant and open minded than you appear to be. Just because one of the ONLY options in America for young men to get a decent paying job and an education is the Military doesn’t make America wonderful. It makes it ready and able to do war with the entire world for useless pointless ridiculous reasons that no one, including "Americans" understand. There will come a time when the USA will severely piss the worlds leading nations off and retribution will come. I hope you are prepared for that. I find it deeply ironic that everyone can claim how fabulous America is but they don’t actually acknowledge that America has the highest crime rate, the highest unemployment rate, the highest homeless rate...everything that every other country in the world acknowledges and makes efforts to attempt to fix is simply ignored for more "important" reasons ~ like creating a war for very little good reason. Nothing, including your citizens, is taken care of in the "land of the free". You may want to do some homework and learn a few things about your country before you bash the rest of the world because we aren’t you, and once you've got some decent facts, you can then deal with the fact that we don’t want to be you."

Which has actually started me thinking. WHY do some American people feel the need to proclaim their country is THE BEST EVER and if you aren’t one of “them” then you are instantly a second class citizen living in a grass hut with a mud floor and begging for food. Seriously. WTF.

I have traveled the majority of the free world and I have been to 48 of the 50 states and have enjoyed the culture, history, and people in every single one of them. How many American’s can claim the same? How many American’s have traveled the whole of their country and experienced everything ~ good and bad ~ that it has to offer? How many American’s would rather sit at home in their chosen state and bitch about what the rest of the states are doing or aren’t doing? Or bitch about the politicians? and lets not forget the favorite topic of complaint...the immigrants ~illegal or not? How many American’s have traveled out of their country into Canada, Europe, or anywhere else that does not fly the American Flag? And if you are one of the few that have actually left the country, how warmly were you received and treated when you traveled abroad?

I find the patriotic attitude a little mystifying. I believe in pride in your country. I fully support that. I just don’t understand why some feel the need to take it to such extremes that they attempt to demean and alienate everyone else. Can anyone enlighten me?

Should THIS be a movie!?

Lance & I were checking movie times tonite and I came across this trailer for a release on August 9, 2006.
Click here to view: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0469641/trailers

I truly dont know what to feel about it. The trailer says its going to look at the tragedy from a different point of view, from a few of NYC's bravest, BUT part of me still wants to scream in outrage.

I watched this trailer and all I could imagine was Mark's mom ~ who was like my second mom throughout my entire life who died in 9/11 ~ lying under a pile of rubbish watching the light fade away as she began to die. Her body was finally recovered almost 11 months AFTER the incident. I tried to imagine, before I saw this trailer, that she went immediately and peacefully. That there was obviously moments of great fear and pain, but that they were swift. Those images are blurry now.

I am somewhat also disappointed on the release date of August 9. They should've released it on Sept 11 to honor those who gave their lives unwillingly in the attack, and willingly to help save others.

This horror is still a very raw spot with me. The ensuing mess that has taken the rest of my self created family away from me because of these attacks are playing over and over in my mind.
I know one thing, I will see this movie. I was in NYC on Sept 15. 4 days after the tragedy, I took a train, a bus, and hitch hiked like a maniac to get there...thank god for the Red Cross Van that stopped to pick me up is all I gotta say.... I was with Mark & the Boyz in ground zero doing whatever I could do to help along with the rest of the city. I helped Mark plan his mothers funeral. I helped Mark pack his apartment and carried a leather hide-a-bed couch 15 blocks to the moving van (that was the closest the Home Guard would allow a vehicle because he lived very close to the WTC). I found Mark a new house outside of Manhattan, decorated it, organized it, and made it a home for him. I watched my best friend fall apart every minute of every day that his mom was missing. I watched the firefighters try to do their jobs with broken hearts. I helped the Red Cross by pulling DNA from body parts found in the wreckage so people could be identified and so families could have SOMETHING to bury. I listened to countless families and friends tell stories of their loved ones and watched as hope slowly died.

I truly dont know what to think. I am sobbing my guts out. This is just becoming too much. I dont think I can bounce back from losing EVERYONE I love dearly. This is killing me.
http://www.worldtradetribute.com/index.htm