In Memory of Neil.

Yesterday was a good day for my soul.

It reminded me of the true power and humbleness of people.

Let me introduce you to a young man named Neil. Neil is 26 years old. He is a high school graduate with a Journey Mans ticket and has worked with the same company from the day he graduated high school. He is a practical joker. He is kind, sincere, honest, and trust worthy. Neil is someone I am proud to call a friend.

When Neil was 21 years old he was diagnosed with Testicular Cancer. He went through the whole process of having it removed, biopsies performed, radiation, & chemotherapy. His doctors were hopeful that they had “got it all.”

When Neil turned 24 he was re-diagnosed with Cancer, except it was now in the Lymph nodes. It attacked his entire body and left him debilitated and extremely weak. He still remained the positive, laughing person we all knew, but we could all see the pain he was in.

Neil tried all kinds of procedures, tests, medicine…you name it, he did it. He traveled the world trying to find a drug that would enable his life to be lengthened. He NEVER gave up. His latest trip was to Mexico and unfortunately while there he became so medically ill that he had to be flown back to Canada by an equivalent of an S.T.A.R.S medical plane. The plane ride alone cost $30,000, and that doesn’t include the price of the medical team, the equipment, or anything else he needed to get home alive.

When the guys he works with heard about his latest bought with cancer, and how much debt he was accumulating in trying to prolong his life, the guys decided to put on an event for Neil. This event would be a silent auction. All proceeds from this event would be going to Neil to help cover his medical and palliative care costs.

Neil was really excited about this event. He has touched so many people, and so many people truly respected him and enjoyed him that major corporation’s wallets just FLUNG open and almost $20,000 dollars worth of stuff and money was donated to the event and to Neil’s accumulating Debt.

One of Neil’s clients from work paid the STARS plane flight home. They didn’t even blink when they were given the total. They just wrote a check.

Neil passed away on Thursday, February 8^th. The Event was last night. There were over 500 people at this auction/dinner/memorial. Tickets were $20 to get in + your alcohol cost + anything you bid on at the auction cost.

Last night the power of human kindness rose over $200,000 for Neil and his family. The bar that the event was hosted at made an announcement that ALL profits earned that evening would be donated to the family as well.

Last night I sat back and watched people pull together for a common goal of making someone else’s life easier. I watched people from all walks of life bond together in stories of remembrance.

I also had a little surprise last night.

Anyone that knows me knows I LOVE the Tour de France, and I basically worship Lance Armstrong. Well, last night at the event, they also had LIVE auction items. Imagine my surprise when the spokesperson comes over the microphone and says “and now for a treat, our live auction will start in 1 minute and our first item will be a Lance Armstrong Tour de France 7 time winner beautifully framed and AUTOGRAPHED Live Strong portrait”

OMFG!!!! I swear to gawd my hand was possessed. My lance just sat beside me going “awww shit” *lol*

It ended up coming down to me and my Lance’s work Vice President (who’s name is Vance…ironically *lol*) and the bidding was fast and furious. At first there was about 10 people who wanted the print, and as the bidding went on, it was finally just the 2 of us ~Vance and myself ~ standing alone in a room full of 500+ people throwing our hands up as soon as the other person topped our last bid. The auctioneer didn’t have a clue what to do. He could barely keep up. The crowd was cheering and clapping. I WASN’T GOING HOME WITHOUT THAT PORTRAIT!!!! *lol*

Finally I was able to stare Vance down and ended up winning it!! YAY ME!!! The winning bid was $500, I’ve seen the same portrait in art studio’s (unsigned) being sold for roughly $350, and the money made from the auction was going to a great cause so I was ecstatic with my win. I was even magnanimous and offered to let Vance come over and admire it once it was hung on my wall *grinz*

Lance won his bid in the silent auction as well. He bid on a 3 pack of hockey tickets for games in March and April, so he was also a really happy camper.

All in all, it was a $900+ night for us. WAY more than we planned on spending, but knowing that we are helping Neil and his family; it somehow just really doesn’t matter.

Though Neil couldn’t be with us in person last night, I know he was there in spirit. He would’ve been so proud at the turnout and the amazing generosity of the people that love him.

I am humbled and awed to be surrounded by so many people that I can call friends who have true heart and true compassion.

Yesterday was good for my soul.

The Wonders of Banana's

Bananas, containing three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose, combined with fiber, give an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes. But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression:
According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression,
many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS:
Forget the pills -- eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia:
High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure:
This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it the perfect way to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the
banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power:
200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation:
High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers:
One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened
with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn:
Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness:
Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites:
Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves:
Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work?
Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers:
The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in
over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control:
Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):
Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking:
Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress:
Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes:
According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine," eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrates, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around. So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"

Family

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.

He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."

I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,

Confusion

I normally don’t go for the dark stuff on my page but for some reason this just needed to be written. I’ve learned not to argue with myself.


Confusion

It is such a simple word.

Picture yourself standing in the desert.
Not another soul around as far as the eye can see... not even a cactus can be seen. Nothing around but you... the sand hitting your legs as the wind swirls around you. You turn around slowly... looking in every direction... not even a lizard is visible scurrying about. You call out... and can't even hear your own voice echo.
This is nothing compared to the loneliness that hovers over my head... threatening to smother me.

You're standing on a deserted street. All of a sudden, you hear a thundering noise behind you. Turning to look, you see off in the distance huge clouds of dirt flying up in the air... getting closer. Turning back around, you see the same clouds of dirt flying high in front of you... turning you look to both sides. Looking for some means of escape... sensing the coming danger... You try the doors of the buildings blocking your escape. Beginning to panic... you realize that all the doors are locked... as if the other people knew what was coming.
Running from one side of the road to the other... you frantically try to climb the posts... but keep sliding back down... the thundering beginning to vibrate your chest as you hyperventilate. Trying desperately to find some way to avoid the quickly approaching destruction, the thought that there is no way out drags a scream from the depths of your soul.

This is nothing compared to the desperation that pulses through me more every day.

You're lying in your nice warm bed sleeping... startled from your sleep, you sit up and listen, trying to figure out what woke you. In the still night, from the comforting silence, you hear a crash down the hall. Reaching to the side of your bed for your cell phone, you realize that you left it out there. No phone to call the police with... you slip silently from the bed to try and open the window. Cursing yourself for painting it shut last summer, you look around for something to use as a weapon against the unknown intruder. Seeing nothing... you look at the door and wait. Nowhere to hide... no way to get out... nothing to defend yourself with but your body... against this person who is slowly twisting the door knob from the outside...
This is nothing compared to the fear that consumes me more with every blink of my eyes.

You stand in your living room... your heart pounding in your chest. The little voice in your head screaming "NO! What if they see you? They'll stare and talk about you!" Sweat begins to bead on your brow. "Look at yourself!!
If you stay inside they'll leave you alone!! They can't talk about you if they can't see you!!" You hear children laughing outside and your mind immediately tells you that they're laughing at you. You back away from the dark curtains as just the thought makes your heart dance in your throat... your breath quicken. Thinking to yourself how horrible you are, as you begin to hyperventilate, no one wants to see anyone like you. You deserve this confinement.
This self hatred is nothing compared to the self-deprecating remarks that go through my head when I think of some of the mistakes I've made.

You're standing... looking at the one you love more than life itself. The one you have given your all to. You are listening to his avowals of love and faithfulness. A nagging question in your mind, you take off the blinders that love placed on you years ago... and see him for what he truly is... hear the truth behind his words. Slowly, you watch as his demeanor changes. The love he has proclaimed disappears from his eyes. One after another, the lies spew from his lips as his perfidy exudes from his very pores. You see the darkness... the total indifference take him over right before your eyes.
This is nothing compared to the feeling of betrayal that festers more inside me, slowly taking me over... with every day that you are gone.

You heft a heavy object and heave it at the wall. It crashes into a million pieces as you reach for something else. In thundering fury, you race around unable to stand still... pushing things over... throwing things... smashing them as tears of unadulterated wrath flow copiously down your crimson cheeks. Your fists clenching repeatedly... your breath quickens as the red haze of rage steals over your eyes.

This anger is nothing compared to the unmitigated ire that boils in my veins every time I recall how simply you walked away.

A strange face stares blankly back at you from this thing they call a mirror. The face tells you nothing about itself... it just stares at you with huge, empty eyes. Are you a wife? Are you a mother? Do you have a mother? A father? Sisters? Brothers? Friends? A career? People that depend on you... that need you? The eyes in the mirror well up with tears... the brow crinkling as frustration takes over. Who am I? Your mind asking a million questions... but just like the empty eyed stranger staring back at you... you have no answers.
This is nothing compared to the frustration that suffocates me every time I try to think of what to do now.

Confusion? Somehow it just doesn't seem to do justice to the uncontrollable thoughts that ravage my soul a little more with every breath.

It is such a simple word.

Testing the strength of Friendship

I have a close friend that is going through some really rough things right now. I am trying my best to be there for this person and help them through all of it but I am encountering a problem and it is affecting my ability to want to be involved.


This friend and I have been close for over 6 years now. There is nothing we haven’t discussed, or can’t discuss. We have always been completely open and honest with each other…until now.


This friend of mine also has 2 other people that they talk to regularly about the rough things they are going through, and as I am friends with the other 2 people as well, the 3 of us kind of make a circle around our friend and make sure our friend is ok.


While talking with the other 2 people we have all realized that our friend’s stories don’t seem to add up. They don’t seem to be the same. Half truths are being told to each of us by our friend and we are almost obligated to get together as a group of 3 and discuss everything that our friend says to try to figure out what is really going on.


When I try to bring up the half truths and partial stories with my friend I get silence in return to my questions. When I try to figure out what’s really going on with my friend I receive a different answer to the same question I asked the day before. When I try to help my friend with one thing, my friend spins off into another thing that is also wrong.


While I am really worried about my friend and want to do everything I can to help my friend through all of this, I am finding it hard to remain emotionally involved when I don’t feel like I am being dealt with honestly. I am hurt that my friend is making me feel like this. I am hurt that my friend is treating me like this. I am hurt that I feel that I can no longer trust that my friend’s word is truth.


I’ve been talking with my friend about all of these things for months now. My friend exclaims a lot of things that I take to be serious in matter and nature of context. My friend gets very emotional and very upset about the things going on when we talk. No matter what advice I give my friend it is never heeded and when my advice is offered my friend’s situation suddenly changes and becomes downplayed. My friend’s story suddenly changes when realistic ideas are given to help. It’s very frustrating.


At some point my friend has to be willing to take personal responsibility. My friend has to be willing to help themselves. While my friendship with this person is a priority, I cannot let everything they are going through encompass me emotionally. My other priorities do not deserve to be relegated to that. I want to be there for my friend and I want to help my friend get through everything that is going on, but I also need my friend to be honest with me about everything.


I don’t know what else I can do. I don’t know what else I SHOULD do at this point. I don’t like feeling used and that is how I am starting to feel.


Does anyone have any ideas?


oO(and yes, this entry is intentionally cryptic…)

I TOLD YOU SO!!! *lol*

Merging two lives is never an easy thing to accomplish. There are hiccups, arguments, annoyances, and personal living habits that all need to be worked through and (eventually) compromised on.


When Lance and I moved in together in August 2005 we each had a complete house full of things. The “battles” began as to what would stay, what would go, what would get stored, and what was just viewed as junk. For the most part merging homes with Lance was seamless. We kept who ever had the better stuff, until of course we got to our beds.


The battle really heated up when picking whose bedroom furniture we would use in the master bedroom and whose bed we would use. In the beginning Lance had a king size bed, while it was huge, I didn’t find it all that comfortable. Lance hated my double bed so that got bumped to the guest bedroom and we ended up giving his King Size bed to his nephew and buying a brand new top of the line Queen sized pillow top mattress set for the master bedroom…we were both happy with our new bed BUT we encountered a problem because neither of us had queen sized sheets.


Now, lemme tell you about sheets. The higher the thread count, the better. I don’t care what they cost. If they aren’t Egyptian cotton I am really not happy with them. Sheets are one of my truly extravagant things. Lance didn’t feel that way about them. He didn’t care as long as he had something covering the mattress.


We went shopping for sheets when we bought the new queen size bed and he almost had a coronary when he saw how much the GOOD sheets cost so we ended up with 220 daisy maid Wal-Mart brand sheets. They weren’t horrible…but they were so stiff, they didn’t really fit on the mattress because of the deep pillow top, and they pilled to hell after being washed less than 5 times. Nothing annoys me more than sheets that end up short and then having to sleep on little pilled bumps of fabric…ugh…yea, I know, I’m picky…but hey! It’s SLEEP we’re talking about here!! Its supposed to be fantastic!! *lol*


Today, my friends, was a glorious day. It took me a year and a half BUT I FINALLY convinced him that 600 thread count Egyptian cotton sheet sets on a “buy one get one half price” sale offer was just too damn good to pass up. We ended up with FOUR complete 600 thread count Egyptian cotton sheet sets for ONLY $190!!!!!!!! HOLY BIBLE!!!!!!!!!! *lol* (that just never gets old *lmao*)


We came home from errands and popped the sheet sets in the wash. I just put a set on the bed…well…I am happy to say that Lance finally gets it. He climbed into the bed…looked at me, snuggled deeper into the sheets and said “holy shit…these sheets are amazing!!!” *rotfl* You should've seen the look on his face. It was priceless.


If he woulda listened to me a year and a half ago his sexy bum would’ve been much happier so much earlier *lolol* but hey…I can be a bigger person…I didn’t say “I TOLD YOU SO” to his face…I decided to come here and do it instead *lmao*


I so cannot wait to sleep!!

The Sacred Adventures of a Taxi Driver

After a week and a half of feeling like death warmed over I finally started to feel a little better today. I had the day completely off from work and my phone didn’t ring once. While I am nervous at what I am going to end up having to deal with on Monday, I really don’t have the spare energy to care *lol*


I took it easy today. Slept in, cruised around the internet, had a nap, watched hockey and I cleaned out my bookcases. I had books placed behind books, books stacked on top of the double deep rows on the shelves, books stacked on top of the cases, books stacked on my nightstand, computer desk, kitchen island…they were everywhere...taking over the house, so I had to do something with them all.


I hate cleaning out my book cases. I hate trying to decide which book to keep and which book to let go of. It took me four hours, but I DID IT!! I managed to clean out my book cases and ended up with 2 boxes of books to take to exchange/sell/whatever at the Wee Book Inn tomorrow.


I found some books that I forgot I had. It was really odd…I’ve read this one book over a dozen times and when I couldn’t find it the last time I went searching for it I thought it was gone…this book is brilliant…Anyone who is searching for their own light will truly enjoy it, so I felt obligated to post about it…


The Sacred Adventures of a Taxi Driver

Witten by Ansara Ali


"...I am taxi driver. I have moved in this world. I am here, there and everywhere. I am hither, thither, and yon. Fiesta, fair, feast, famine, festival, fast of farce, I have been there.

I am taxi driver. The street is my beat yet has not beaten me. It has made me wise, street wise, yet not too wise. I know every corner yet cannot be cornered. I have grown old yet remember youth. I have seen the winter of discontent, yet I cannot forget the springtime of love.

I am taxi driver. I am last yet dream of first. I am lowest yet emulate highest. The cities of this world have captured me, yet I am not captive. The big city is my home, yet I still love the small towns and villages, even the hamlet that sent me forth.

I am taxi driver. I have attended every holiday in this world yet have never taken a holiday. I love the sun yet have walked in the rain. I am attracted to light yet have stumbled in darkness. I am a nobody yet long to be somebody; I have nothing yet pray for something.

I am taxi driver. I have a humble beginning yet yearn for a noble ending. I came from an obscure past yet wish for a bright future. I have faced failure yet never discounted success. I have tasted defeat yet am ever hungry for victory.

I am taxi driver. I am short of breath yet still willing to chance the marathon. I have lived a life of tears, yet you will still catch me with a smile. I am a non Christian yet have always revered the Christ. I became a man of the highway yet never became a highwayman. I am master of my own destiny, yet I am still not master.

I am taxi driver. Are you down? Cheer up! I have come to pick you up. Wherever a child cries in the night, I am there. Wherever a woman weeps in despair, I am there. Wherever a full blown man falters, I am there, too, to pick him up, for picking up is my business.

I am taxi driver. Have you lost your way? Have you missed your ride? Take heart! I have come to show you the way. I have come to give you a ride. I have come to give you a lift - a lift to the stars. RISE!"


I am now going to go curl up and read it one more time.

Ciao