Before You Plan A Baby Shower...

Now for the big news. Lance & I are pregnant!

Before you plan a baby shower....you may want to continue to read...*sighs*

While we are both happy & nervous, the baby seems to be in some danger. I have put on over 60 pounds of WATER in the past 5 weeks. I have HEAVY Edema which my O.B.GYN is very concerned about, because it will more than likely turn into Pre-Eclampsia (Toxemia for pregnant women) which is life threatening to both me & my baby.

My joints are all swollen. When I squeeze my hands to make a fist my hands drip water. Walking is extremely painful because my feet are about 6 times their normal size, I cant remember the last time my toes touched the ground. My blood pressure is through the roof. My heart is beating almost 3 times its normal rate. My liver & kidneys are also starting to have difficulties. Please keep in mind that I am only (roughly) 6 weeks pregnant.

My OB.GYN has told me that I could possibly carry the baby to full term, but there is not a guarantee that the baby will be healthy. He did a vaginal ultrasound and the baby's heart beat is very faint, and the size of the baby at almost 6 weeks pregnant is quite small. He looks (how funny, the baby is already a he in my mind...) to be about 1-2 weeks, which is quite troubling.

The Dr stressed to me that the only way I will be able to carry my child to term is if I am on complete bed rest for the next 8 1/2 (give or take a day) months. Which means I would have to quit my treatment program. The DR has warned me that I will feel cramping and serious abdomen pain, which I am currently experiencing, and that if I start to spot bleed I must get to an ER immediatley. He has told me that I ultimatley have a very difficult decision to make.

His opinion is that the child is in extreme danger and is not growing at a normal rate and therefore will have some health defects, of which he cannot predict. He has told me that there is a 95% chance that I will miscarry this child. He wants me to have an abortion. I have asked for some time to think about it, so I have another appointment next Friday where I will tell him my decision.

Lance & I have talked about it, and while guilt is obviously coming into our thought process, he has flat out told me that my health & safety is his primary concern and that if carrying this child could potentially kill me then he would rather I have the procedure done and we can try again when we are ready.

This pregnancy was not planned. It was a suprise. It still doenst make it any easier. I dont know what to do about this yet. I am in a world of pain and cannot imagine 9 months of this, but yet, I cannot imagine killing our child.

This is hell.