Unbelievable

Ok, this is a rant, it’s my blog, and I’m gonna bitch if I wanna

Monday in group I told everyone that I was pregnant. A few people were stunned, one person more so than others. Lets call her…Pregnant with 2nd child but cant quit abusing the first one…so for short…PregoAbuser.

In the 2nd session on Monday I started talking a little more in depth about how I found out I was pregnant, what a surprise it was, how happy Lance & I were, etc. Now, this is when all the mothers in the group started popping in with child raising advice and prenatal tips. Forgive me for being a total bitch, but the LAST PEOPLE ON EARTH I am going to take parenting tips from are the mothers in this group. ALL of them have talked about depriving their children of one thing or another, and abusing them in some ways. Now, I do have a little more couth than that, so I didn’t actually say anything when they were giving me all this advice, I just smiled and nodded.

Then, a man who we’ll call the 43-year-old-virgin pipes in with this comment and it sent my blood boiling. He explains that he has never had sex, never had a relationship with anyone…poor him..wah wah wah…on with the sob story he goes, then he stops looks at me and says “you don’t deserve to have a child”

That was my first WTF moment of the week. Then the PregoAbuser pipes in with her un-logical ridiculous two cents. Now, this *deletes rude adjective* & I were “friends” in the sense that we would spend lunches together talking about mundane things and laughing. We actually got along quite well. She started a week after I did so we are in all of the same group’s together day in and day out so we have shared quite a bit of ourselves and worked really hard and well together. So, she came at me with “I am so jealous that you are pregnant. I don’t know where you get off trying to take away MY spotlight as being the one carrying a child in here. Who do you think you are?!?” and I was like WTF!!!!! I am still enraged at the 43-year-old-virgin and his bullshit and now this *deletes rude adjective* dumps her shit on me too!?!?

I know you are all thinking at this point “oooooooooooooooh this is where Kris snaps and bitchslaps them both” *grinz wickedly* but I actually took the higher road. I actually looked at them both and as my brain was thinking “fuck you…fuck you…fuck you” I said to the 43-year-old-virgin “I am sorry that you feel the need to belittle others to feel powerful and important while you attempt to deny that what you never received is a loss in your life.” And then I looked at the PregoAbuser and said “I am sorry that your small narrow minded world cannot actually contain the idea that there is more than one set of ovaries on the planet that have the ability to procreate.”

Cathy, the therapist in the group was taking a sip of Tea (she has strep throat so needs the stuff to make her able to talk) when I said those things, and while the rest of the room went “holy crap”, she ended up spitting it everywhere. (I guess that’s why we aren’t allowed to drink in sessions *smiles sweetly*)

So, that was Monday.

Tuesday I found out all the news from my OB.GYN that I posted about yesterday. I took that information back into group on Wednesday at which point I received more “parenting tips” of what the same women did when they found out they were giving birth to alien spawn (because lets face it, their conditions were made to sound sooo much worse than mine …ya know?) and that they had actually been impregnated by a toilet seat that was used in a shuttle to mars…(can you sense the sarcasm? *lol*)…and then the PregoAbuser said “I can’t believe you are even thinking of keeping it. You should get an abortion immediately” (which makes that my third WTF moment of the week for any that are counting) and FINALLY Setna was in the room to hear this bullshit. She looked at PregoAbuser and said “There is no need for you to be crass and arrogant. You are not by any stretch of the imagination a good parent and to be honest, the same advice you just gave Kris should’ve been given to you”

I almost died. The entire room went DEAD silent. PregoAbuser starts to cry and sputter and go into her “sobbing for attention in an attempt to manipulate people” routine and Setna tells her if she cant get her un-genuine emotions under control NOW she will be discharged from the treatment program immediately following Large Group. Then Setna looks at me, and I was thinking “ohh crap, here it comes” and she actually surprised me. She said “Kris, what I am going to offer you is something very unorthodox and not used often within this treatment program, but I am offering you my support for whatever you may need through this troubling trying time for you. If you ever need to talk to someone, you can come and knock on my door and I will help you work through whatever emotion you are feeling privately so your decision will not be made on judgments of the people you are in treatment with. I am also extending my support to you for your entire pregnancy and the first year after you have your child. You will undergo alot of changes after you leave this program and I want you to know that you have someone in your corner that understands.” I broke down and started to sob.

Setna talked me through what I was feeling at that moment, which was pure unadulterated rage. I flat out told the 43-year-old-virgin and the PregoAbuser that they have officially ceased to exist to me. (I can tune out anyone that I do not wish to associate with. I am a Norwegian Gemini and I KNOW how to harness the bitch in me and utilize her to the best of my ability….some of you may already know this *smiles sweetly*) I told them both that I will from here on out no longer speak with them at breaks or during group sessions. I have no further desire to hear anything they have to say about any area of my life and if they could not control themselves by commenting that their comments would be ignored and I would simply talk over them. I was PISSED. Setna looks at me and says “Is there a better way to handle this?” and I sat and thought about it for a few minutes and finally replied with “No, anyone that would be that calculatingly cruel to me in the ‘real world’ would be annexed and banished from my life in the same way. I don’t need friends like that. I don’t need people in my life like that. I don’t think there is a better way to deal with it.” Setna then gave me my 2nd shock of the day by agreeing with me.

That brings us to today.

Sitting in group, all of us were in an active conversation about our family interviews, and I was working hard with another girl named Chris about what I had learned from mine and why I felt it was of value. Her interview with her current family (which is whoever you live with) was today at 3 pm and she was understandably nervous and scared. Her boyfriend doesn’t treat her well and he was really making her feel bad about having to take time off work to come in and do something he feels is ridiculous. She wouldn’t acknowledge that his comments hurt her until I said “if Lance said that to me when I told him about the interview I would’ve been crushed” and then the PregoAbuser storms into the conversation with “ohh for fuck sake, I am so tired of hearing about your perfect relationship. If it was so perfect your baby wouldn’t be trying to kill itself to get away from you both”.

Now, keep in mind that I had just finished telling Chris that Lance & I don’t communicate very well at times because we have 2 very different styles of communicating which makes determining compromise and/or getting our needs met very difficult…I had just finished telling Chris (and everybody else in the bloody room) that Lance & I aren’t perfect and that we do have work to do and that the interview was for us, a fabulous starting point.

Brandy, the therapist, looks at PregoAbuser, looks at me, looks back at her and says “ok, was that necessary?” because though her remark hurt me, I have made no effort to address her or even acknowledge that I have heard it. And then much to my shock and surprise Ms.Toxic jumps in and verbally berates PregoAbuser until she is once again sobbing hysterically. (that makes for my fifth WTF moment of the week just to keep count)

During Game Time today I was playing the card game "spades" with P, D & R, (3 of the best people I have ever met) and we were laughin and jokin around and having a really good time…which is the whole entire point of the Games Hour on Thursdays. It teaches us how to enjoy simply PLAYING again. PregoAbuser and the 43-year-old-virgin are sitting behind our table not playing anything, they are just pouting. Then the 43-year-old-virgin says “I don’t find any of your jokes funny, would you please shut up” and PregoAbuser says “yea, I agree” (big surprise) which starts the entire room to join in the uproar of the one sided fight. They are all defending me. I finally said “ok, guys, really, enough. Nothing they say means anything to me. I appreciate the support, but you don’t need to treat them the way I am just because they are being assholes” and every one starts to laugh again which send the 2 pouters into serious rage. The 43-year-old-virgin is due to be released from the program Friday June 30. His discharge came a little early. He picked up the chair he was sitting on and threw it at me. (and yes, you guessed it, this is my 6th WTF moment). Noel, the therapist, immediately jumps to his feet and smacks the button on the wall that sets off an alarm and alerts security IMMEDIATLEY that something is wrong in psychiatry (kind of a handy thing to have when you are dealing with all kinds of mental problems) and I hit the ground screaming because the chair caught me right in the stomach and because it freekin hurt. Mary-Anne, the nurse, comes running down the hallway with all the other therapists right behind her, and they carry me into an exam room and check my blood pressure, pulse, and do an abdominal exam to make sure I am not cramping or anything else.

I am going to press charges against the 43-year-old-virgin, as is my right to do so. I cannot physically do anything to him, but I can make him pay for it. *smiles sweetly*

The PregoAbuser was told by Setna that if she cannot control her mouth that she would be removed from the program. She is interfering with people’s ability to work together and Setna will not allow that to continue. She has to apologize in large group tomorrow to everyone for being intentionally destructive and deeply cruel and if she doesn’t she will be discharged immediately. I hope she does apologize, she needs the therapy program (just like the rest of us) and she would not fare well with her children if she doesn’t learn some things about herself before she leaves.

…what a week and it’s not even over…

I called my OB.GYN and told him that I had been hit with a chair, he asked me if I was cramping or feeling anything else and I said “no” because I am not. I feel just like I felt yesterday…bloated and squishy.

Today I learned the true meaning of pain. My ankles have finally swelled to the point where they are actually folding over. The only shoe I can put on is a pair of flip flops that I have stretched to the absolute limit. No support in those stupid shoes, but at least they are shoes. Today I learned that climbing stairs with ankles that swollen will make you scream in pain and cry your eyes out. I truly wholeheartedly don’t know if I can do 9 months of this. I have a fairly high pain tolerance and this is beginning to push me past my limits and I am only 6 freekin weeks pregnant.

Something mean and wicked in me wants to place a call to Social Services to have PregoAbuser’s home life looked at. She accidentally told me her last name one day, and I know the town where she lives…it cant be that hard to find her….but….that would be stooping to her level, and while it gives me extreme pleasure to think about, doing it would probably make me feel like a hag. Some things are better left as fantasy. Besides, if there was "notable" child abuse the therapists would've already made that phone call. (and by notable I mean actionable by the authorities)

I have been trying to assess my part in all of this drama since it started on Monday. For the life of me I cannot see a place where I provoked them into cruelty, other than what I said to them on Monday in the 2nd session of the day, but they were already angry and cruel at that point, so I didn’t really provoke them there. I wish I could see this from a different perspective. Right now I am too emotionally attached to it to try and view it from an analytical viewpoint and learn something from it.