Testing the strength of Friendship

I have a close friend that is going through some really rough things right now. I am trying my best to be there for this person and help them through all of it but I am encountering a problem and it is affecting my ability to want to be involved.


This friend and I have been close for over 6 years now. There is nothing we haven’t discussed, or can’t discuss. We have always been completely open and honest with each other…until now.


This friend of mine also has 2 other people that they talk to regularly about the rough things they are going through, and as I am friends with the other 2 people as well, the 3 of us kind of make a circle around our friend and make sure our friend is ok.


While talking with the other 2 people we have all realized that our friend’s stories don’t seem to add up. They don’t seem to be the same. Half truths are being told to each of us by our friend and we are almost obligated to get together as a group of 3 and discuss everything that our friend says to try to figure out what is really going on.


When I try to bring up the half truths and partial stories with my friend I get silence in return to my questions. When I try to figure out what’s really going on with my friend I receive a different answer to the same question I asked the day before. When I try to help my friend with one thing, my friend spins off into another thing that is also wrong.


While I am really worried about my friend and want to do everything I can to help my friend through all of this, I am finding it hard to remain emotionally involved when I don’t feel like I am being dealt with honestly. I am hurt that my friend is making me feel like this. I am hurt that my friend is treating me like this. I am hurt that I feel that I can no longer trust that my friend’s word is truth.


I’ve been talking with my friend about all of these things for months now. My friend exclaims a lot of things that I take to be serious in matter and nature of context. My friend gets very emotional and very upset about the things going on when we talk. No matter what advice I give my friend it is never heeded and when my advice is offered my friend’s situation suddenly changes and becomes downplayed. My friend’s story suddenly changes when realistic ideas are given to help. It’s very frustrating.


At some point my friend has to be willing to take personal responsibility. My friend has to be willing to help themselves. While my friendship with this person is a priority, I cannot let everything they are going through encompass me emotionally. My other priorities do not deserve to be relegated to that. I want to be there for my friend and I want to help my friend get through everything that is going on, but I also need my friend to be honest with me about everything.


I don’t know what else I can do. I don’t know what else I SHOULD do at this point. I don’t like feeling used and that is how I am starting to feel.


Does anyone have any ideas?


oO(and yes, this entry is intentionally cryptic…)