Guilt is a funny thing. It can wreak absolute havoc on a body and a mind. I am learning that the hard way this week.
In November I cut off all ties of communication with my dad (see the post on the left titled “goodbye daddy” if curious) I did manage to talk with my dad while planning my Grandpa’s funeral, but after the day of the funeral, I once again quit speaking to him.
My dad is now in the hospital hooked up to every machine available and he is not responding well to the antibiotics. The Doctor’s treating him look grimmer and grimmer as the days pass.
Friday I went to the hospital in the afternoon ~ I left work early ~ because I felt bad that no one else had gone to visit him and I wouldn’t want to spend any amount of time alone in a hospital bed than necessary…I know he is being sedated and doesn’t have a clue who’s around…but still…
I REALLY and truly TRIED to be that daughter…the daughter that is completely emotionally invested in the fact that her father is near death…the daughter that can sit beside her father, hold his hand and tell him that she loves him and things are going to be ok…the daughter that WANTS to do those things.
I just couldn’t.
I am watching my soon to be ex step mom, my mom, my sister, my dads siblings…everyone…fall apart at this and pretend that he is just this wonderful decent compassionate amazing human being and I just cant do it.
Lance has tried to convince me that feeling like this is OK and its “normal” because my father has so deeply wounded me and scarred me, though underneath it all I still do love him.
Sadly, I don’t love him.
I feel bad for him because he is a human being in pain. I don’t wish pain on anyone…but I don’t love everyone that happens to be in pain either.
If he does die from this I will have to deal with the fact that he passed away while we were fighting. Though, it really wasn’t a fight, and it was a conscious decision on my part to remove myself from him. I needed to in order to save myself.
I am torn and struggling.
My family is making very ridiculous demands of me. My soon to be ex step mom called this morning and asked if I was going to the hospital, I flat out told her NO. she proceeded to call me EIGHT bloody times and when all calls went unanswered (god bless call display) she then SHOWED UP AT MY HOUSE to attempt to manipulate me into going to the hospital.
Needless to say, I haven’t gone anywhere today and my soon to be ex step mom is pissed right off at me now.
It seems so fake to me. The people my father has abused the most are all the ones acting hysteric over him. I don’t think their motives are sincere. The soon to be ex step mom stands to win A LOT financially because the divorce isn’t finalized so she’s making a good show of things…my mom is trying to support her two kids that she had with the man in the hospital…my sister is still so desperate to have his approval that I think she feels that she HAS to be there every waking second in order for him to finally love her…am I wrong in just refusing to play the game?
Guilt is a funny thing.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Waving the White Flag
I am officially waving the white flag. I cannot process or take in anymore emotional stimuli. I am done.
It has NOT been a good 365 days for me.
For anyone that is keeping score, in 365 days, I have:
(1) Lost my 5 dearest friends on the planet
(2) Been through an extreme therapy program
(3) Watched my sister suffer with being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis
(4) My Grandpa passed away
(5) I had yet another knee surgery
And just to add the icing on the cake,
(6) Today my dad was diagnosed with Bacterial Meningitis.
My father was found at work this morning at 6:45am unconscious, face down on the floor, completely unresponsive to all stimuli and he was unable to speak. He was rushed from work in an ambulance to an ER where they were able to revive him to consciousness and diagnose Bacterial Meningitis.
When I got to work this morning at 7:40am my management team was waiting for me, and as soon as I got off the elevator on the 20th floor and scanned my security card, they all but smothered me. My Boss told me what he knew at that point ~which wasn’t much ~ and advised me to go to the 10th floor and talk to Security to obtain more information. My management team came with me down to the 10th floor and they were asking all the questions my brain was to numb to vocalize.
I did manage to ask one question. I asked when the last time my dad’s security card had been used. The woman in security looked it up and told me 5:40pm LAST NIGHT. My dad could have potentially laid there unconscious for over 12 hours.
The woman in security gave me the cell phone number of one of the paramedics that was taking my dad to the hospital so I called him. He told me what he knew and where my dad was taken and at that point I left work and went to the hospital.
oO(and this is where it gets …umm…creatively described…if you have any issues with profanity, you can stop reading here.)
When I got to the hospital imagine my surprise when I met my father’s latest young bimbo ~oh right…”girlfriend”~ demanding to be made power of attorney and to be informed of any and all medical decisions.
The nurse at the triage desk gave this twatwaffle my father’s wallet, truck/house keys, watch ~ basically all personal belongings ~ and when I found this out and asked for my dad’s belongings to be given to me this little skank says “NO! I’m the one he wants in his life, you can just fuck off, and if you think you’re gonna get them from me you just better call the cops to let them try”
Do the words OH FUCK NO sound about right? *smiles sweetly*
I REALLY tried to be magnanimous with this TWENTY year old fuckwit who has found her “dream job” at the engravable / key cutter shop at one of our local malls. I REALLY tried to acknowledge that she was in my father’s life and that she obviously cares about him, but for her to pitch a COMPLETE fit when the ER Doctor was explaining to me what tests they had run, why they had run them, what they are looking for, what the results were etc. and demand that NO information be released without her WRITTEN consent was just a little more than I was willing to tolerate at that point.
I flat out asked the doctor, right in front of her, who was LEGALLY allowed to make decisions on my father’s behalf and he explained that it would be his wife, then biological children, then any siblings… and on down the line it went…nowhere in the Doctor’s explanation did it include a sugar daddy seeking whore ~oh right “girlfriend”~ who has only been a part of his life for SIX FUCKING WEEKS.
At that point I asked her again (and yes, the way I said it was quite bitchy) for my father’s personal belongings and that was when she literally attacked me. Well…I wish I could say that I was the bigger person and that I didn’t react…but…well…I can’t.
Know your fucking place bitch were the exact words out of my mouth before I knocked her unconscious and broke her nose *smiles sweetly* and yes, while she was out cold I did get my hands on my fathers possessions…as well as my dad’s AMEX Platinum credit card that somehow magically left my dad’s wallet and ended up loose in her purse.
This just reinforces my knowledge that your initial impression and gut instinct about people is never that far off from fact. I can’t even imagine the chaos this skank could’ve caused with that credit card. Jesus.
When the little bitch came to she was informed that the family would not be pressing charges but if she continued to make her presence known at the hospital we would be. I don’t have the tolerance, patience, or ability to give a fuck about this stupid little girl. Let her go meet her next victim in the food court on her next break from work.
The absolute best part is when she sent her best friend into the ER about 2 hours after she had been “escorted off hospital property” (sans handcuffs) and I knew her. I have known Tammy~ the best friend~ since high school. Tammy learned the hard way in grade 10 what happens when I feel cornered and threatened. *smiles sweetly* as soon as Tammy saw me all she said was “oh crap…I’m sorry about your dad…I’ll tell her to leave your family alone” and promptly left. *smirks*
Anyway…that was the drama…and now for the rest of it…
My dad has been admitted to the ICU and the Doctors are hopeful that this strain of Bacterial Meningitis will not be fatal, but at this point they are not sure how much damage was done to my dad’s internal organs. Time will tell that story. The Doctor’s are hopeful that once the swelling on the lining of my dad’s brain reduces that my dad will regain the ability to speak. I really want to know what he was doing scanning in at work at 5:40pm last night.
For any that don’t really know what meningitis is…here is the simplest description I could find.
Meningitis is an infection of the fluid in the spinal cord and the fluid that surrounds the brain. Meningitis is usually caused by an infection with a virus or a bacterium. Knowing whether meningitis is caused by a virus or a bacterium is important because of differences in the seriousness of the illness and the treatment needed.
VIRAL MENINGITIS is usually relatively mild. It clears up within a week or two without specific treatment. Viral meningitis is also called aseptic meningitis.
BACTERIAL MENINGITIS is much more serious. It can cause severe disease that can result in brain damage and even death.
I am so officially done with any thing else that requires emotional availability. I am so tired of having to be the one that my family leans on and relies on to be “the strong one”.
When do I get to break dammit?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
It has NOT been a good 365 days for me.
For anyone that is keeping score, in 365 days, I have:
(1) Lost my 5 dearest friends on the planet
(2) Been through an extreme therapy program
(3) Watched my sister suffer with being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis
(4) My Grandpa passed away
(5) I had yet another knee surgery
And just to add the icing on the cake,
(6) Today my dad was diagnosed with Bacterial Meningitis.
My father was found at work this morning at 6:45am unconscious, face down on the floor, completely unresponsive to all stimuli and he was unable to speak. He was rushed from work in an ambulance to an ER where they were able to revive him to consciousness and diagnose Bacterial Meningitis.
When I got to work this morning at 7:40am my management team was waiting for me, and as soon as I got off the elevator on the 20th floor and scanned my security card, they all but smothered me. My Boss told me what he knew at that point ~which wasn’t much ~ and advised me to go to the 10th floor and talk to Security to obtain more information. My management team came with me down to the 10th floor and they were asking all the questions my brain was to numb to vocalize.
I did manage to ask one question. I asked when the last time my dad’s security card had been used. The woman in security looked it up and told me 5:40pm LAST NIGHT. My dad could have potentially laid there unconscious for over 12 hours.
The woman in security gave me the cell phone number of one of the paramedics that was taking my dad to the hospital so I called him. He told me what he knew and where my dad was taken and at that point I left work and went to the hospital.
oO(and this is where it gets …umm…creatively described…if you have any issues with profanity, you can stop reading here.)
When I got to the hospital imagine my surprise when I met my father’s latest young bimbo ~oh right…”girlfriend”~ demanding to be made power of attorney and to be informed of any and all medical decisions.
The nurse at the triage desk gave this twatwaffle my father’s wallet, truck/house keys, watch ~ basically all personal belongings ~ and when I found this out and asked for my dad’s belongings to be given to me this little skank says “NO! I’m the one he wants in his life, you can just fuck off, and if you think you’re gonna get them from me you just better call the cops to let them try”
Do the words OH FUCK NO sound about right? *smiles sweetly*
I REALLY tried to be magnanimous with this TWENTY year old fuckwit who has found her “dream job” at the engravable / key cutter shop at one of our local malls. I REALLY tried to acknowledge that she was in my father’s life and that she obviously cares about him, but for her to pitch a COMPLETE fit when the ER Doctor was explaining to me what tests they had run, why they had run them, what they are looking for, what the results were etc. and demand that NO information be released without her WRITTEN consent was just a little more than I was willing to tolerate at that point.
I flat out asked the doctor, right in front of her, who was LEGALLY allowed to make decisions on my father’s behalf and he explained that it would be his wife, then biological children, then any siblings… and on down the line it went…nowhere in the Doctor’s explanation did it include a sugar daddy seeking whore ~oh right “girlfriend”~ who has only been a part of his life for SIX FUCKING WEEKS.
At that point I asked her again (and yes, the way I said it was quite bitchy) for my father’s personal belongings and that was when she literally attacked me. Well…I wish I could say that I was the bigger person and that I didn’t react…but…well…I can’t.
Know your fucking place bitch were the exact words out of my mouth before I knocked her unconscious and broke her nose *smiles sweetly* and yes, while she was out cold I did get my hands on my fathers possessions…as well as my dad’s AMEX Platinum credit card that somehow magically left my dad’s wallet and ended up loose in her purse.
This just reinforces my knowledge that your initial impression and gut instinct about people is never that far off from fact. I can’t even imagine the chaos this skank could’ve caused with that credit card. Jesus.
When the little bitch came to she was informed that the family would not be pressing charges but if she continued to make her presence known at the hospital we would be. I don’t have the tolerance, patience, or ability to give a fuck about this stupid little girl. Let her go meet her next victim in the food court on her next break from work.
The absolute best part is when she sent her best friend into the ER about 2 hours after she had been “escorted off hospital property” (sans handcuffs) and I knew her. I have known Tammy~ the best friend~ since high school. Tammy learned the hard way in grade 10 what happens when I feel cornered and threatened. *smiles sweetly* as soon as Tammy saw me all she said was “oh crap…I’m sorry about your dad…I’ll tell her to leave your family alone” and promptly left. *smirks*
Anyway…that was the drama…and now for the rest of it…
My dad has been admitted to the ICU and the Doctors are hopeful that this strain of Bacterial Meningitis will not be fatal, but at this point they are not sure how much damage was done to my dad’s internal organs. Time will tell that story. The Doctor’s are hopeful that once the swelling on the lining of my dad’s brain reduces that my dad will regain the ability to speak. I really want to know what he was doing scanning in at work at 5:40pm last night.
For any that don’t really know what meningitis is…here is the simplest description I could find.
Meningitis is an infection of the fluid in the spinal cord and the fluid that surrounds the brain. Meningitis is usually caused by an infection with a virus or a bacterium. Knowing whether meningitis is caused by a virus or a bacterium is important because of differences in the seriousness of the illness and the treatment needed.
VIRAL MENINGITIS is usually relatively mild. It clears up within a week or two without specific treatment. Viral meningitis is also called aseptic meningitis.
BACTERIAL MENINGITIS is much more serious. It can cause severe disease that can result in brain damage and even death.
I am so officially done with any thing else that requires emotional availability. I am so tired of having to be the one that my family leans on and relies on to be “the strong one”.
When do I get to break dammit?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Can Anyone Make This Make Sense?
Ok, as a foreword, I am not catholic.
The Pope says that jihad violence is against God's nature, and officials fear that in response, Muslims enraged by this insult will commit... jihad violence.
A. Muslims murder 3,000 innocents in New York and...expect no criticism.
B. Muslims murder 202 tourists in Bali and...expect no criticism.
C. Muslims murder 333 schoolchildren and their teachers in Beslan and...expect no criticism.
D. Muslims murder 292 innocents, mainly Kenyans and Tanzanians at two US Embassies...and expect no criticism.
E. Muslims murder 241 US and 58 French peacekeepers in Beirut and...expect no criticism.
F. Muslims fire 4,000 Katyusha rockets into Northern Israel killing over 50 innocent civilians and...expect no criticism.
G. Muslims murder 52 in London and 191 in Madrid and...expect no criticism.
H. Muslims murder 200 in Mumbai and...expect no criticism.
I. Muslims behead Western hostages in Iraq, Buddhist monks in Thailand and Christian schoolgirl s in Indonesia and...expect no criticism.
J. Muslims murder 500,000 in Darfur and...expect no criticism.
K. Muslims regard Jews as 'sons of pigs and monkeys', and vow to nuke Israel and...expect no criticism.
L. Muslims force women to wear hideous sacks, stone to death women for getting raped and for leaving the home unescorted, engage in honor killings of sisters and daughters for unapproved dating, and...expect no criticism.
M. Muslims danced in the streets and handed out sweets to their kids to celebrate the 9/11 atrocity, and...still expected no criticism.
N. Since 9/11 Muslims have killed over 26,000 and wounded over 50,000 in terrorist attacks worldwide since 9/11 and...expect no criticism.
Since 9/11 Muslims have committed terrorist attacks in Afghanistan, Algeria, Bangladesh, Belgium, Chad, Chechnya, Dagestan, Denmark, East Timor, Egypt, England, Eritrea, Ethiopia, France, Germany, India, Indonesia, Ingushetia, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Jordan, Jordan-Iraq, Kabardino-Balkans, Kenya, Kosovo, Kuwait, Kyrgyzstan, Lebanon, Mauritania, Morocco, Netherlands, Nigeria, Pakistan, Gaza-Palestinian Authority, Philippines, Qatar, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Scotland, Somalia, Spain, Sri Lanka, Sudan , Syria , Tajikistan, Thailand, Tunisia, Turkey , United
Arab Emirates, United Arab Republic, United States, Uzbekistan and Yemen, and...STILL expect no criticism.
Muslims have carried out over 5,800 fatal terrorist atrocities since 9/11 and countless thousands since Islamic conquest began in 623 AD and expect no criticism.
But if a Pope dares to tell the truth about Islam or Danes publish cartoons about Mohammed, and then let the outpourings of Islamic hate and outrage begin.
And, by some twisted reach of logic, the arrogant bastards demand the Pope issue an apology.
The Pope says that jihad violence is against God's nature, and officials fear that in response, Muslims enraged by this insult will commit... jihad violence.
A. Muslims murder 3,000 innocents in New York and...expect no criticism.
B. Muslims murder 202 tourists in Bali and...expect no criticism.
C. Muslims murder 333 schoolchildren and their teachers in Beslan and...expect no criticism.
D. Muslims murder 292 innocents, mainly Kenyans and Tanzanians at two US Embassies...and expect no criticism.
E. Muslims murder 241 US and 58 French peacekeepers in Beirut and...expect no criticism.
F. Muslims fire 4,000 Katyusha rockets into Northern Israel killing over 50 innocent civilians and...expect no criticism.
G. Muslims murder 52 in London and 191 in Madrid and...expect no criticism.
H. Muslims murder 200 in Mumbai and...expect no criticism.
I. Muslims behead Western hostages in Iraq, Buddhist monks in Thailand and Christian schoolgirl s in Indonesia and...expect no criticism.
J. Muslims murder 500,000 in Darfur and...expect no criticism.
K. Muslims regard Jews as 'sons of pigs and monkeys', and vow to nuke Israel and...expect no criticism.
L. Muslims force women to wear hideous sacks, stone to death women for getting raped and for leaving the home unescorted, engage in honor killings of sisters and daughters for unapproved dating, and...expect no criticism.
M. Muslims danced in the streets and handed out sweets to their kids to celebrate the 9/11 atrocity, and...still expected no criticism.
N. Since 9/11 Muslims have killed over 26,000 and wounded over 50,000 in terrorist attacks worldwide since 9/11 and...expect no criticism.
Since 9/11 Muslims have committed terrorist attacks in Afghanistan, Algeria, Bangladesh, Belgium, Chad, Chechnya, Dagestan, Denmark, East Timor, Egypt, England, Eritrea, Ethiopia, France, Germany, India, Indonesia, Ingushetia, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Jordan, Jordan-Iraq, Kabardino-Balkans, Kenya, Kosovo, Kuwait, Kyrgyzstan, Lebanon, Mauritania, Morocco, Netherlands, Nigeria, Pakistan, Gaza-Palestinian Authority, Philippines, Qatar, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Scotland, Somalia, Spain, Sri Lanka, Sudan , Syria , Tajikistan, Thailand, Tunisia, Turkey , United
Arab Emirates, United Arab Republic, United States, Uzbekistan and Yemen, and...STILL expect no criticism.
Muslims have carried out over 5,800 fatal terrorist atrocities since 9/11 and countless thousands since Islamic conquest began in 623 AD and expect no criticism.
But if a Pope dares to tell the truth about Islam or Danes publish cartoons about Mohammed, and then let the outpourings of Islamic hate and outrage begin.
And, by some twisted reach of logic, the arrogant bastards demand the Pope issue an apology.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
In Memory of Neil.
Yesterday was a good day for my soul.
It reminded me of the true power and humbleness of people.
Let me introduce you to a young man named Neil. Neil is 26 years old. He is a high school graduate with a Journey Mans ticket and has worked with the same company from the day he graduated high school. He is a practical joker. He is kind, sincere, honest, and trust worthy. Neil is someone I am proud to call a friend.
When Neil was 21 years old he was diagnosed with Testicular Cancer. He went through the whole process of having it removed, biopsies performed, radiation, & chemotherapy. His doctors were hopeful that they had “got it all.”
When Neil turned 24 he was re-diagnosed with Cancer, except it was now in the Lymph nodes. It attacked his entire body and left him debilitated and extremely weak. He still remained the positive, laughing person we all knew, but we could all see the pain he was in.
Neil tried all kinds of procedures, tests, medicine…you name it, he did it. He traveled the world trying to find a drug that would enable his life to be lengthened. He NEVER gave up. His latest trip was to Mexico and unfortunately while there he became so medically ill that he had to be flown back to Canada by an equivalent of an S.T.A.R.S medical plane. The plane ride alone cost $30,000, and that doesn’t include the price of the medical team, the equipment, or anything else he needed to get home alive.
When the guys he works with heard about his latest bought with cancer, and how much debt he was accumulating in trying to prolong his life, the guys decided to put on an event for Neil. This event would be a silent auction. All proceeds from this event would be going to Neil to help cover his medical and palliative care costs.
Neil was really excited about this event. He has touched so many people, and so many people truly respected him and enjoyed him that major corporation’s wallets just FLUNG open and almost $20,000 dollars worth of stuff and money was donated to the event and to Neil’s accumulating Debt.
One of Neil’s clients from work paid the STARS plane flight home. They didn’t even blink when they were given the total. They just wrote a check.
Neil passed away on Thursday, February 8th. The Event was last night. There were over 500 people at this auction/dinner/memorial. Tickets were $20 to get in + your alcohol cost + anything you bid on at the auction cost.
Last night the power of human kindness rose over $200,000 for Neil and his family. The bar that the event was hosted at made an announcement that ALL profits earned that evening would be donated to the family as well.
Last night I sat back and watched people pull together for a common goal of making someone else’s life easier. I watched people from all walks of life bond together in stories of remembrance.
I also had a little surprise last night.
Anyone that knows me knows I LOVE the Tour de France, and I basically worship Lance Armstrong. Well, last night at the event, they also had LIVE auction items. Imagine my surprise when the spokesperson comes over the microphone and says “and now for a treat, our live auction will start in 1 minute and our first item will be a Lance Armstrong Tour de France 7 time winner beautifully framed and AUTOGRAPHED Live Strong portrait”
OMFG!!!! I swear to gawd my hand was possessed. My lance just sat beside me going “awww shit” *lol*
It ended up coming down to me and my Lance’s work Vice President (who’s name is Vance…ironically *lol*) and the bidding was fast and furious. At first there was about 10 people who wanted the print, and as the bidding went on, it was finally just the 2 of us ~Vance and myself ~ standing alone in a room full of 500+ people throwing our hands up as soon as the other person topped our last bid. The auctioneer didn’t have a clue what to do. He could barely keep up. The crowd was cheering and clapping. I WASN’T GOING HOME WITHOUT THAT PORTRAIT!!!! *lol*
Finally I was able to stare Vance down and ended up winning it!! YAY ME!!! The winning bid was $500, I’ve seen the same portrait in art studio’s (unsigned) being sold for roughly $350, and the money made from the auction was going to a great cause so I was ecstatic with my win. I was even magnanimous and offered to let Vance come over and admire it once it was hung on my wall *grinz*
Lance won his bid in the silent auction as well. He bid on a 3 pack of hockey tickets for games in March and April, so he was also a really happy camper.
All in all, it was a $900+ night for us. WAY more than we planned on spending, but knowing that we are helping Neil and his family; it somehow just really doesn’t matter.
Though Neil couldn’t be with us in person last night, I know he was there in spirit. He would’ve been so proud at the turnout and the amazing generosity of the people that love him.
I am humbled and awed to be surrounded by so many people that I can call friends who have true heart and true compassion.
Yesterday was good for my soul.
Monday, February 5, 2007
The Wonders of Banana's
Bananas, containing three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose, combined with fiber, give an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes. But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.
Depression:
According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression,
many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.
PMS:
Forget the pills -- eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.
Anemia:
High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.
Blood Pressure:
This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it the perfect way to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the
banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.
Brain Power:
200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.
Constipation:
High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.
Hangovers:
One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened
with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn:
Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.
Morning Sickness:
Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.
Mosquito bites:
Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.
Nerves:
Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.
Overweight and at work?
Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.
Ulcers:
The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in
over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.
Temperature control:
Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):
Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.
Smoking:
Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.
Stress:
Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.
Strokes:
According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine," eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!
So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrates, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around. So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"
Depression:
According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression,
many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.
PMS:
Forget the pills -- eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.
Anemia:
High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.
Blood Pressure:
This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it the perfect way to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the
banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.
Brain Power:
200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.
Constipation:
High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.
Hangovers:
One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened
with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn:
Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.
Morning Sickness:
Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.
Mosquito bites:
Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.
Nerves:
Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.
Overweight and at work?
Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.
Ulcers:
The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in
over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.
Temperature control:
Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):
Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.
Smoking:
Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.
Stress:
Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.
Strokes:
According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine," eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!
So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrates, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around. So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"
Family
I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."
By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."
FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.
And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."
By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."
I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."
FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.
And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Confusion
I normally don’t go for the dark stuff on my page but for some reason this just needed to be written. I’ve learned not to argue with myself.
Confusion
It is such a simple word.
Picture yourself standing in the desert.
Not another soul around as far as the eye can see... not even a cactus can be seen. Nothing around but you... the sand hitting your legs as the wind swirls around you. You turn around slowly... looking in every direction... not even a lizard is visible scurrying about. You call out... and can't even hear your own voice echo.
This is nothing compared to the loneliness that hovers over my head... threatening to smother me.
You're standing on a deserted street. All of a sudden, you hear a thundering noise behind you. Turning to look, you see off in the distance huge clouds of dirt flying up in the air... getting closer. Turning back around, you see the same clouds of dirt flying high in front of you... turning you look to both sides. Looking for some means of escape... sensing the coming danger... You try the doors of the buildings blocking your escape. Beginning to panic... you realize that all the doors are locked... as if the other people knew what was coming.
Running from one side of the road to the other... you frantically try to climb the posts... but keep sliding back down... the thundering beginning to vibrate your chest as you hyperventilate. Trying desperately to find some way to avoid the quickly approaching destruction, the thought that there is no way out drags a scream from the depths of your soul.
This is nothing compared to the desperation that pulses through me more every day.
You're lying in your nice warm bed sleeping... startled from your sleep, you sit up and listen, trying to figure out what woke you. In the still night, from the comforting silence, you hear a crash down the hall. Reaching to the side of your bed for your cell phone, you realize that you left it out there. No phone to call the police with... you slip silently from the bed to try and open the window. Cursing yourself for painting it shut last summer, you look around for something to use as a weapon against the unknown intruder. Seeing nothing... you look at the door and wait. Nowhere to hide... no way to get out... nothing to defend yourself with but your body... against this person who is slowly twisting the door knob from the outside...
This is nothing compared to the fear that consumes me more with every blink of my eyes.
You stand in your living room... your heart pounding in your chest. The little voice in your head screaming "NO! What if they see you? They'll stare and talk about you!" Sweat begins to bead on your brow. "Look at yourself!!
If you stay inside they'll leave you alone!! They can't talk about you if they can't see you!!" You hear children laughing outside and your mind immediately tells you that they're laughing at you. You back away from the dark curtains as just the thought makes your heart dance in your throat... your breath quicken. Thinking to yourself how horrible you are, as you begin to hyperventilate, no one wants to see anyone like you. You deserve this confinement.
This self hatred is nothing compared to the self-deprecating remarks that go through my head when I think of some of the mistakes I've made.
You're standing... looking at the one you love more than life itself. The one you have given your all to. You are listening to his avowals of love and faithfulness. A nagging question in your mind, you take off the blinders that love placed on you years ago... and see him for what he truly is... hear the truth behind his words. Slowly, you watch as his demeanor changes. The love he has proclaimed disappears from his eyes. One after another, the lies spew from his lips as his perfidy exudes from his very pores. You see the darkness... the total indifference take him over right before your eyes.
This is nothing compared to the feeling of betrayal that festers more inside me, slowly taking me over... with every day that you are gone.
You heft a heavy object and heave it at the wall. It crashes into a million pieces as you reach for something else. In thundering fury, you race around unable to stand still... pushing things over... throwing things... smashing them as tears of unadulterated wrath flow copiously down your crimson cheeks. Your fists clenching repeatedly... your breath quickens as the red haze of rage steals over your eyes.
This anger is nothing compared to the unmitigated ire that boils in my veins every time I recall how simply you walked away.
A strange face stares blankly back at you from this thing they call a mirror. The face tells you nothing about itself... it just stares at you with huge, empty eyes. Are you a wife? Are you a mother? Do you have a mother? A father? Sisters? Brothers? Friends? A career? People that depend on you... that need you? The eyes in the mirror well up with tears... the brow crinkling as frustration takes over. Who am I? Your mind asking a million questions... but just like the empty eyed stranger staring back at you... you have no answers.
This is nothing compared to the frustration that suffocates me every time I try to think of what to do now.
Confusion? Somehow it just doesn't seem to do justice to the uncontrollable thoughts that ravage my soul a little more with every breath.
It is such a simple word.
Confusion
It is such a simple word.
Picture yourself standing in the desert.
Not another soul around as far as the eye can see... not even a cactus can be seen. Nothing around but you... the sand hitting your legs as the wind swirls around you. You turn around slowly... looking in every direction... not even a lizard is visible scurrying about. You call out... and can't even hear your own voice echo.
This is nothing compared to the loneliness that hovers over my head... threatening to smother me.
You're standing on a deserted street. All of a sudden, you hear a thundering noise behind you. Turning to look, you see off in the distance huge clouds of dirt flying up in the air... getting closer. Turning back around, you see the same clouds of dirt flying high in front of you... turning you look to both sides. Looking for some means of escape... sensing the coming danger... You try the doors of the buildings blocking your escape. Beginning to panic... you realize that all the doors are locked... as if the other people knew what was coming.
Running from one side of the road to the other... you frantically try to climb the posts... but keep sliding back down... the thundering beginning to vibrate your chest as you hyperventilate. Trying desperately to find some way to avoid the quickly approaching destruction, the thought that there is no way out drags a scream from the depths of your soul.
This is nothing compared to the desperation that pulses through me more every day.
You're lying in your nice warm bed sleeping... startled from your sleep, you sit up and listen, trying to figure out what woke you. In the still night, from the comforting silence, you hear a crash down the hall. Reaching to the side of your bed for your cell phone, you realize that you left it out there. No phone to call the police with... you slip silently from the bed to try and open the window. Cursing yourself for painting it shut last summer, you look around for something to use as a weapon against the unknown intruder. Seeing nothing... you look at the door and wait. Nowhere to hide... no way to get out... nothing to defend yourself with but your body... against this person who is slowly twisting the door knob from the outside...
This is nothing compared to the fear that consumes me more with every blink of my eyes.
You stand in your living room... your heart pounding in your chest. The little voice in your head screaming "NO! What if they see you? They'll stare and talk about you!" Sweat begins to bead on your brow. "Look at yourself!!
If you stay inside they'll leave you alone!! They can't talk about you if they can't see you!!" You hear children laughing outside and your mind immediately tells you that they're laughing at you. You back away from the dark curtains as just the thought makes your heart dance in your throat... your breath quicken. Thinking to yourself how horrible you are, as you begin to hyperventilate, no one wants to see anyone like you. You deserve this confinement.
This self hatred is nothing compared to the self-deprecating remarks that go through my head when I think of some of the mistakes I've made.
You're standing... looking at the one you love more than life itself. The one you have given your all to. You are listening to his avowals of love and faithfulness. A nagging question in your mind, you take off the blinders that love placed on you years ago... and see him for what he truly is... hear the truth behind his words. Slowly, you watch as his demeanor changes. The love he has proclaimed disappears from his eyes. One after another, the lies spew from his lips as his perfidy exudes from his very pores. You see the darkness... the total indifference take him over right before your eyes.
This is nothing compared to the feeling of betrayal that festers more inside me, slowly taking me over... with every day that you are gone.
You heft a heavy object and heave it at the wall. It crashes into a million pieces as you reach for something else. In thundering fury, you race around unable to stand still... pushing things over... throwing things... smashing them as tears of unadulterated wrath flow copiously down your crimson cheeks. Your fists clenching repeatedly... your breath quickens as the red haze of rage steals over your eyes.
This anger is nothing compared to the unmitigated ire that boils in my veins every time I recall how simply you walked away.
A strange face stares blankly back at you from this thing they call a mirror. The face tells you nothing about itself... it just stares at you with huge, empty eyes. Are you a wife? Are you a mother? Do you have a mother? A father? Sisters? Brothers? Friends? A career? People that depend on you... that need you? The eyes in the mirror well up with tears... the brow crinkling as frustration takes over. Who am I? Your mind asking a million questions... but just like the empty eyed stranger staring back at you... you have no answers.
This is nothing compared to the frustration that suffocates me every time I try to think of what to do now.
Confusion? Somehow it just doesn't seem to do justice to the uncontrollable thoughts that ravage my soul a little more with every breath.
It is such a simple word.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
