Its been awhile since I have written really anything worth reading…I’ve had some fun on my blog for the past few weeks and its been nice to just have a place to laugh and be silly with so much chaos going on in my little world. To be honest, the silly little videos just provide a much needed distraction from the thoughts that are running around rampant in my brain right now. I really need to get them out of me, so in no particular order…
The financing has been approved. The legal papers have been signed. The mortgage is FINALLY finished. When I started this insanely complex process back in the beginning March I thought the day would never come. I thought I would be carrying my briefcase full of papers that needed to be faxed to every one in god’s creation for the rest of my life. Closing date is May 1st and then Lance and I will be officially the owners of our new home *smiles happily*
My sister with Multiple Sclerosis, Kim, had a cat scan/MRI done in April that showed the plates on her brain were back – though not any where near what they were a year ago – they are still back. Kim has been complaining about her left eye going “splotchy” and her left hand going “retarded” again. She is moving this weekend. The divorce between her and her husband, Chad, is proceeding and their home has been sold. For the first time in her life my sister will be living on her own, on the opposite side of the city, with her 18 month old baby boy, Ty.
In March my sisters new boyfriend, Kenton, had spent the night at Kim’s house. Around 4 am he woke up to find my sister not in bed. He figured she was checking on Ty so he got up to see if she needed help with anything (I like her new boyfriend, he is proving himself to be a wonderful man) and instead of finding Kim in Ty’s room, he found her unconscious on the bathroom floor. Similar episode’s have happened twice since then.
The idea of my sister living alone with an 18 month old child is terrifying to me. I asked her to install lifeline into her rental home. She would have to wear a little “call button” type thing, but at least help wouldn’t be too far away. As it is, the distance between my new home and her new home is about a 40 minute drive. If she goes down at 4 am and Kenton isn’t there, who’s going to know? What will happen to Ty? I am REALLY worried about this, and every time I bring it up to my sister she shuts me down. She doesn’t want to hear it. She is excited about living on her own for the first time in her 28 year existence. I understand her excitement, but I also think she is freekin crazy for intentionally putting her child and herself at risk.
My dad is by all appearances doing fine. My sister told me that the infectious disease team has cleared him and pronounced that the bacterial meningitis is out of his system. The ENT specialist is still working with my dad to try to avoid surgery on his ear, which is where/how the meningitis was caused. I have had very limited contact with him. When I was in the hospital he came to see me, but not once during the 4 hours he stayed with me at the hospital did he ask me anything about how I was feeling, what the prognosis was, NOTHING, it was all about him as usual. It hurt, but it re-affirms my position that I am better off without him. I haven't spoken to him since I was released from the hospital.
My health is all over the board. My INR (international numeric ratio) that determines how thin my blood is has been as low as 0.6 and as high as 8.1 within the same week. A therauptic level while on blood thinners is somewhere in the range of 2.0 – 3.0. I have hit 2.2 twice in a month, otherwise it just goes all over the place, giving me a different number every day when my blood work is done. I have to go to the IV clinic and get vitamin K injections when it goes above 4.0. I have to get my blood drawn daily. I have to take warfarin (Kumadin) daily. And I am still on the pain killers for all the useless good they are doing. I am in constant pain and this whole situation is just getting old.
Work is trying so hard to be tolerant and accommodating. They set me up with VPN access from home so I am able to work in bed, and while I accomplish a lot more work without all of the distractions og being in the office, I find myself seeking distractions. I’ll turn my home computer on and chat on messenger, I’ll go play canasta online, I am becoming a DR. Phil addict. It’s lonely at home.
I need the narcotic strength painkillers to make a dent in how uncomfortable I am and I just don’t feel that its ethically right to go to a work environment blitzed out on drugs – needed or not, so I am spending most of my days at home with my laptop working….well, that and the other reason I don’t like going into work right now… I can’t wear a bra at the moment, every time I try to put one on I scream. Tight annoying things squeezing your lungs isn’t comfortable when you have clots in them, so I feel like a skid row transient when I go to work without wearing one…. I know its stupid, but it is what it is.
Lance’s beer league hockey team has made it into the playoffs (lord help me) and they will be playing 4 rounds if they make it to the finals. All the rounds are best of 5 games. So far his team has played 2 games in the first round and won both of them, so one more win and his team is on to round 2. His extracurricular hockey won’t be done before the NHL playoffs are. I can’t believe it. Then to make it even more entertaining to think about…if his team makes it to the finals, they will only have THIRTY DAYS before the new season starts for the following year. (OMFG. Shoot me now.)
Lance caused me quite a scare, a few weeks ago he got hurt playing hockey. He phoned me from the ER and said “I’m ok, don’t panic”…so of course, I panicked. He told me that he got a high stick across his cheek and that it was going to need stitches. He came home from the ER later on with 6 glaring blue stitches and eyes that were already beginning to swell and bruise. The next morning he could barely open his left eye. It was a wonderful shade of black, that turned purple, then green, then a really ugly blue, then yellow and now the bruising is gone and the stitches are out and he’s ok, not that he wasn’t ok before...but still. I thought my heart was going to stop beating when he said “I’m ok, don’t panic”. I have now laid down a “you put a bloody visor on your helmet or you don’t get to play” rule. He always bitched about how much he hated the visors blah blah blah…and ironically, now that he has a good one that doesn’t fog up, he actually loves it. *sighs* men…At least he’s getting me prepared for what the life of a hockey mom could be *lol*
Ever since I ended up in the hospital the distance between lance and I has grown. I have to sleep in the spare bedroom because I can’t fully lay down and that is the only bed with a headboard tall enough to prop 6 pillows up behind me to get me at a 45 degree angle. I miss sleeping beside him. I miss reaching out in the middle of the night and knowing that he is there. I miss cuddling with him and talking with him before we go to sleep. I miss the snuggle time with Ringo and Pandora as we all just lay in bed and love each other a little before we go to sleep. I miss SEX. I miss Lance. I hate this. Every night he comes to tuck me into what we are calling “the pillow throne” (I’ll take a pic of it tomorrow *lol*) and he rubs my back and kisses me and tells me that he loves me, wishes me sweet dreams and then goes to OUR bedroom and has snuggle time with Ringo and Pandora. I am left all alone in the other room. It’s lonely at home.
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