The Phone Call

Tammy phoned this morning around 10:30 am, long after she knew Lance would be gone to work. We talked for about 2 hours (its 12:43 pm and I just got off the phone with her) and we cleared the air.


Mischi, you were right in your comment, not that any one else was wrong, when you said that I have always liked her. Tammy and I have always gotten along fabulously, but as Tammy told me this morning, we are very similar personalities and she always felt it was an explosion waiting to happen.


Anyway, the gist of it all is this. Lance’s Mom died when he was 20 years old (so 14 years ago). Before she passed away Lance had already moved out of the house and was living with Tammy and her ex-husband Scott. Tammy felt she was Lance’s Mom. Tammy felt and still feels responsible for Lance and his happiness and his misery. Tammy is having a hard time “letting go” of the fact that Lance is not a 20 year old kid anymore and he is no longer reliant upon her to make decisions with his life. She compared it to losing her mom all over again.


Right or wrong, understandable or not, Tammy was and still is, quite hurt by the fact that as soon as Lance left Grande Prairie and moved to Edmonton on his own his life seemed to just start getting better. He met me within a year of moving back here, got a fabulous job at a company that treats him amazing, was able to fix the mistakes on his credit rating, and is now able to purchase the things he wants and imagines for his future. It was “killing” Tammy (her words, not mine) that Lance was able to accomplish those things without her…and to make matters worse, she felt he had replaced her with me.


She told me that she doesn’t hate me, she apologized for the cheap shot of using Carmen as a dig, and she told me that she does in fact want me with her brother. She said “lets face it Kris, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to him” and with that, it was my turn to be speechless.


I have always felt that Lance was the best thing that has ever happened to ME. Lord knows the year I have put that man through with everything my crazy Italian family has gone through, and the horrendous things my real family has gone through…well, it took a man with a deep soul and strong love to stick it all out.


I told Tammy that. I told her everything that she had instilled in her brother. The simple kindnesses he does, the depth of his compassion and caring, the true strength of his love for his family. Lance’s sisters are an integral part of who he is today and Tammy has never heard it vocalized. She took on the “Mom” role to her baby brother (Tammy is the middle child, turning 39 this year, so there is 5 years between her and Lance) when she was also in the process of losing her mom to a debilitating cancer.


Lance’s Dad disappeared from all of their lives when Lance was about 11…maybe 12…needless to say, his Dad wasn’t there when Lance started becoming a man so Lance’s sisters (and mom) taught him how to be a good, solid, kind, and caring one. For that I am eternally grateful.


Tammy was scared that Lance was “rushing” things and “getting tied down too soon” into a life of bills, monotony and a pseudo “married life” with me. Well, to a point I can see her point.


Lance and I will be together for TWO years in June. Did we “rush” into our relationship and the levels we hit together so soon into it? Definitely. We were living together in the home we just bought in August, yes folks, that’s two months after we started dating. Did we make a mistake in “rushing”? Absolutely not. We are as happy together today as we were on our first date. When things click, they just click.


So, after I told Tammy what kind of man he is and how thankful I am to both of his sisters for helping him turn into that kind of man, she broke down into tears and thanked me. All she needed to know was that her brother, her baby as she calls him, has the tools, skills, and maturity to deal with the next stage of his adult life.


I apologized for calling her a meddling alcoholic bitch, and she apologized for telling Lance to dump me. (I told you I lost my cool on Sunday before I got in the car to drive away *lol*)


At the end of the call we were both back to normal; laughing, talking, plotting, and planning…things are going to be ok. She is going to call Lance tonight and apologize to him for hurting him and for disappointing him. Knowing the man he is, as soon as he hears those words from Tammy this whole Easter weekend disaster will just blow right over.


Thanks for your advice and support my friends. I appreciate you all.


*hugs*


Kris.