Safe!!!!

It’s been quite a week. After the initial “culture shock” of going into the group, I found myself more at peace and comfortable in the surroundings.

The majority of the week I spent quietly watching, listening, learning and relating to people as they told their stories. In the smaller groups I ventured out into starting conversations and tackling some issues. My assigned therapist told me that so far he is quite impressed with the progress I am making and that he was pleased to see the effort and work I am doing. I am not there for acknowledgement, but at the end of a very rough first week, it was nice to hear

I’ve established some tentative friendships with people that I relate to very easily and the comfort of having them around me when I am talking has been fabulous. I went into this experience not wanting to form emotional connections with people. There are boundaries set up by the program that do not allow us to talk about anything personal when we aren’t in group sessions and do not allow us to form friendships outside of the program. Boundaries have never been my strong suit, but I am trying to play by the rules. I make a conscious effort to thank the people that express what I am trying to say, or teach me something in their stories, every day at the end of the group session so that everything I do is done within the rules of the program.

I am actually enjoying it more than I thought I would. There have been some moments when all I wanted to do was run anywhere screaming at the top of my lungs, but after the therapists push you past the initial fear and start to dig, it becomes relieving and calming. I am actually able to feel self accomplishment and it feels good.

On a different note, I heard from J, D, M & T today!!!!!!!!! Knocked me on my ass. My Boyz are FINE!!!! Yessssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The overwhelming relief and joy I felt at hearing their voices was nothing short of the best moment of my life. I answered the phone still asleep and I heard them singing with unrestrained exuberance and my heart stopped. I thought I was still dreaming. I started to cry, they started to cry. They are all ok, a little worse for wear, but otherwise healthy and together. I don’t know how T did it, but he found them. NEVER underestimate the power of twins is all he said. However he did it, whatever he did to do it, all of it doesn’t matter…they are coming home permanently at the end of May. 5 weeks till safety and full withdrawal from the military. They have all promised that they will retire, quit, and do whatever they need to do to get out of the military. We are planning a group get together to take Mark to “The Rock” and to spend some much needed time recovering, recuperating, talking and just being together. My heart is happy and I am content.