Saturday, April 29, 2006
Safe!!!!
The majority of the week I spent quietly watching, listening, learning and relating to people as they told their stories. In the smaller groups I ventured out into starting conversations and tackling some issues. My assigned therapist told me that so far he is quite impressed with the progress I am making and that he was pleased to see the effort and work I am doing. I am not there for acknowledgement, but at the end of a very rough first week, it was nice to hear
I’ve established some tentative friendships with people that I relate to very easily and the comfort of having them around me when I am talking has been fabulous. I went into this experience not wanting to form emotional connections with people. There are boundaries set up by the program that do not allow us to talk about anything personal when we aren’t in group sessions and do not allow us to form friendships outside of the program. Boundaries have never been my strong suit, but I am trying to play by the rules. I make a conscious effort to thank the people that express what I am trying to say, or teach me something in their stories, every day at the end of the group session so that everything I do is done within the rules of the program.
I am actually enjoying it more than I thought I would. There have been some moments when all I wanted to do was run anywhere screaming at the top of my lungs, but after the therapists push you past the initial fear and start to dig, it becomes relieving and calming. I am actually able to feel self accomplishment and it feels good.
On a different note, I heard from J, D, M & T today!!!!!!!!! Knocked me on my ass. My Boyz are FINE!!!! Yessssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The overwhelming relief and joy I felt at hearing their voices was nothing short of the best moment of my life. I answered the phone still asleep and I heard them singing with unrestrained exuberance and my heart stopped. I thought I was still dreaming. I started to cry, they started to cry. They are all ok, a little worse for wear, but otherwise healthy and together. I don’t know how T did it, but he found them. NEVER underestimate the power of twins is all he said. However he did it, whatever he did to do it, all of it doesn’t matter…they are coming home permanently at the end of May. 5 weeks till safety and full withdrawal from the military. They have all promised that they will retire, quit, and do whatever they need to do to get out of the military. We are planning a group get together to take Mark to “The Rock” and to spend some much needed time recovering, recuperating, talking and just being together. My heart is happy and I am content.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Day One.
My oh so brilliant theory of remaining quiet and observe lasted all of 18 minutes before this psychiatrist ripped me open and pinned me down like a biology lab frog for an hour and 20 minutes in front of 43 people I still don’t know the names of. It was actually a really good conversation, but towards the end of the group she snipped “well aren’t you just the little intellectual” and smirked at me…well…she got an emotional reaction…I don’t think it was quite what she was expecting, but it pissed me off, and as she’s my go to DR for med’s and stuff, I cant hate the woman, so I had to tell her she pissed me off…and in doing so, she got a purely emotional based reaction out of me…which was obviously her goal...
Action group was a TOTAL mind fuck. Seriously, Tops could take lessons on how brilliantly this guy head fucked all of us.
The question was: List 3 positive attributes you feel you have that can help you through tough situations.
I said: humor, intelligence, determination.
Then we had to create a little skit demonstrating a tough situation and how those attributes would help us through it. I chose to do losing my wallet (‘cuz I couldn’t find my bank card over coffee break *lol*) and it’s a fairly stressful anxiety driven situation…I incorporated my 3 attributes, did what I was told and sat down as quickly as possible.
After everyone had done their little skits with their attributes, the shrink then pipes up with “All of the things you view as strengths are actually weaknesses and hinder you from learning anything from your crises’…” The entire group sat there in dead silence for about 5 minutes till I piped up with “well shit, wasn’t that just a rude mind fuck” and then everyone erupted in rage and it was chaos for the last 45 minutes of the action group.
The afternoon group was called Family Relations. It is a 6 week long stint, and it’s a focused controlled topic group. Today’s topic was CRISIS. How you handle crisis, how you potentially create more chaos, what you have to learn from crises’, the underlying thought process as to why we do what we do during crises’ and all that other good stuff. It was a good hour and a half.
The last hour of the day today was something called "Social Outing". Today we actually didn’t GO anywhere, we all hung out in the patient lounge and one of the group members taught us all about clay and how to mold stuff with it and keep it stuck together…it was fun…nice to wind down the day with just normal conversations and some laughter…
Monday, April 24, 2006
Anxiety
Anxiety is the space between the “now” and the “then”
Ok, its GAME ON time. They have bumped my start date to TOMMORROW. I am totally freaking out, even though sensy & alex have done their best to calm me down (Thanks ladies, love you both) I recognize that my anxiety is coming because it is a totally foreign unknown uncontrollable realm. Lord knows what I am going to have to hear or listen to in the mirage of different groups I will be interacting with. There is a role play group, it goes on every day for 2 hours, and you can role play anything…if I wanted to act I would be in Hollywood…how the fuck is re-enacting anything going to fix it?! Seriously!!
Every faculty and virtue I possess can be used as an instrument with which to worry myself.
The first few days of this experience I am just simply going to be a quiet observer and hope to god I get away with it. The therapists have already warned me that quietness is only allowed for so long before they will pin you down and rip you open *sighs* so there’s something else to look forward to *rolls eyes and sighs*…a therapists will against my own…should be an interesting battle…but I signed up for this, so I know that logically it shouldn’t be a battle…but I cant help but think it will be.
Don’t be forecasting Evil unless it is what you can guard against. Anxiety is good for nothing if we can’t turn it into a defense.
I am torn between approaching this with a “go with the flow” attitude and a “scientific” approach. If I am analyzing something I always use a removed view point…the joy of being a Gemini, you can remove yourself from anything and look at it impartially… but if I approach it scientifically, how emotionally involved will I really be? How useful is this 24 week (yea, 24 weeks…half a year of this *sighs*) adventure really going to be? But if I approach it with a “go with the flow” attitude, then I may find myself more emotionally involved than I want to be…and besides, go with the flow is something I am simply just NOT good at. *makes a note that control is an issue*
Neither comprehension nor learning can take place in an atmosphere of anxiety.
I know there are going to be things said and emotions surfaced during the groups. The complete lack of control I have of these things is driving me nuts. I know I am going to piss people off, and I am positive they are going to piss me off. I know I will sympathize with some people, and feel the urge to laugh at others. Self control is going to be a huge deal along with the psycho-babble of treatment. The real test is going to be cutting through the bullshit and seeing what IS for what it REALLY is. I don’t want to get wrapped up in other people’s crap. I don’t have the emotional energy left to spare. This situation is giving me no option and empathy is not high on my list of things to worry about right now
Anxiety is a thin steam of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Friday, April 21, 2006
The Earth Died With Thought
Thursday, April 13, 2006
If You Can
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master, If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools
If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breath a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much, If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!
~Rudyard Kipling
Do Not...
Do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Do not set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.
Do not take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.
Do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past nor for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life
Do not give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the Moment you stop trying. It is a fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Do not be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Do not shut love out of your life by Saying it is impossible to find. The quickest way to receive Love is to give love; The fastest way to lose love Is too hold it too tightly;
In addition, the best way to keep Love is to give it wings.
Do not dismiss your dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope; To be without hope Is to be without purpose.
Do not run through life so fast that you forget not only where you have been, but also where you are going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
Risk
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out for another is to risk involvement
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self
To play your ideas, your dreams before the crowd is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To live is to risk dying
To hope is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure
But risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave He has forfeited freedom
Only a person who risks.....is free
Let Go
Let go of that nagging feeling that something is wrong. For whatever may happen, you can always choose a way to move forward.
Let go of your resentment and anger over things that are beyond your control. Do the very best with where you are, with what you have, and that will be more than enough.
Let go of the pain you carry from things that happened long ago. Allow yourself to experience the glorious freedom of forgiveness.
Let go of the needs that you don't really need, that keep your life so anxious and complicated. Find real fulfillment not in getting, but in being.
Let go of the regrets, the disappointments and distress. Choose to follow the very best of the possibilities that beckon you forward.
Let go of all the excuses you have for not living fully. Give beauty and meaning to the life and the world that you're in right now.
~Ralph Marston~
Why Not You?
Today, many will open their eyes to the beauty that surrounds them. Why not you?
Today, many will choose to leave the ghost of yesterday behind and seize the immeasurable power of today. Why not you?
Today, many will break through the barriers of the past by looking at the blessings of the present. Why not you?
Today, for many the burden of self doubt and insecurity will be lifted by the security and confidence of empowerment. Why not you?
Today, many will rise above their believed limitations and make contact with their powerful innate strength. Why not you?
Today, many will choose to live in such a manner that they will be a positive role model for their children. Why not you?
Today, many will choose to free themselves from the personal imprisonment of their bad habits. Why not you?
Today, many will choose to live free of conditions and rules governing their own happiness. Why not you?
Today, many will find abundance in simplicity. Why not you?
Today, many will be confronted by difficult moral choices and they will choose to do what is right instead of what is beneficial. Why not you?
Today, many will decide to no longer sit back with a victim mentality, but to take charge of their lives and make positive changes. Why not you?
Today, many will take the action necessary to make a difference. Why not you?
Today, many will make the commitment to be a better mother, father, son, daughter, student, teacher, worker, boss, brother, sister, & so much more. Why not you?
Today is a new day!
Many will seize this day.
Many will live it to the fullest.
Why not you?
Serenity
Monday, April 10, 2006
Illusions
Saturday, April 8, 2006
Chat Slugs!!
I have often found myself wondering why so called "trolls" do what they do in chat. You know who I mean, those folks that PM someone uninvited with some lame line expecting the woman to fall onto the floor with her legs spread... we've all seen these people.
so_and_so_dumbass says: 1 slut nurse / corrupt dr .... 2 naughty secretary / perv boss .... 3 slutty popstar / dirty manager .... 4 slut army chick / evil stud captain .....any u like?
or how about...
so_and_so_dumbass says: describe me hw do u move ur hands over various parts of ur body when ur horny
No really, I want to know if this works. If you have ever taken one of these people up on their offers, let me know. Explain it to me. Or, conversely... if you have ever SENT one of these messages.. let me know WHY you did. Did it work?
Do these people think that those lines will work? Have they EVER worked? If yes, who was the moron that fell for it??
~~~~~~~
wh@+5 w1tH tH3 p30pL3 tH@t r3fu53 2 u5e r3@L L3tt3r5?
On the same token, what (the) hell is *with* the ~people~ that (must) ***type*** like ~they~ only
I can't even do it right, I know. But I'm glad about that! What is the point of this ridiculous trend? It doesn't look "cool" or "cute" it looks retarded! It looks like some half-wit somehow managed to log onto a computer and just banged their hands on the keys. Are they trying to show that they cannot type? Are they trying to show that they cannot spell? Are they trying to be "different"?? If that's the case, why don' they try using proper grammar and actually spell things correctly! THAT would be different!
~~~~~~~
Chat is just chat.
Doesn't matter what anyone says. Doesn't matter what argument someone dreams up. Doesn't matter if my blogs are about chat either. Chat is/was/always will be just chat. Sorry to disappoint you, your arguments (which I'm certain make sense in your head) are off the mark. Still.
Not all relationships represented in chat developed in chat. People could have easily met through a Yahoo! game room or an on-line dating service. People could have easily been friends off-line before venturing into chat. People actually have real-life friends, NOT met on-line that just happen to go into chat as well.
What you don't seem to grasp in what I am trying to say is...the actions in chat are NOT real. You see, when we say we're fuckin' in a chat room, (are you ready for this?)...we're really not. When we smack each other, push or pull at each other, we're really not (say it ain't so!).
Everything in our blogs had to do with CHAT. The things that were amusing in CHAT. Nothing, absolutely nothing said was to be applied to real life (except not to have bratty kids or animals that cant stay clean). I mean come on, how many 8ft red eye man wolves do you see in your real life? How many people do you encounter actually walk into a room or work place and curl up in the corner and sigh?
Chat isn't needed to start, continue, or end a relationship. I'm sure there are hundreds of people that have on-line relationships without chat. I think that's what PM's, e-mail, and the phone are for. Just because people happen to go into chat doesn't mean they need it to "survive". So THAT argument doesn't hold water either. Once again, people don't have to believe chat is real to know their relationship is.
So, even though you've touched on religion, politics, knitting, scrapbooking, soap boxes in libraries, shitting on the steps at a courthouse, football discussions and more (wow, you DO like to debate!)...you never answered the original question:
Why can't there be nipple licking in the wagering CHAT room? After all, it's just chat. And people can only be hurt or bothered by words if they allow them to hurt or bother them.
I still believe that chat IS just chat. I can differentiate reality from chat. Are there people that I know from chat that have "crossed over" into my real life? ABSOLUTELY. Is the list everyone that's on my messenger? Not even close. BUT--this whole situation has taught me that some people do not possess the ability to separate chat from their life. Is this a bad thing? I'm not sure, maybe yes, maybe no. I suppose it depends on their situations.
~~~~~~~
Ok all you enablers.. It's your turn to be addressed.
Why do you enable these dumbasses?!? I know that many of you that do it are simply trying to be nice, thoughtful, caring people and just want everyone to be happy and well. And there is not one thing wrong with that. What a world we would live in if more people showed compassion and caring toward each other. Ok with that being said, I'm fairly certain (ok I'm HOPING rather) that most of you have brains. Now, these brains should be telling you that most of the dumbasses that you enable are simply doing whatever it is they do for attention. You've GOT to be able to see that right? I've said it before and I'll say it again.. YOU CANNOT LOG INTO CHAT THE DAY AFTER A KIDNEY TRANSPLANT! There were people that believed her!!
so_and_so_dumbass says: ugh I'm sore, the kidney transplant went well yesterday. dr's are hopeful.
ding_dong_idiot_enabler says: omgggggggg!! are you ok?? you should be resting but thank you for coming on to tell us! I was sooooo worried!
Normal_Human_Being says: you both are full of shit.
Now, help me understand... is it that you TRUELY believe these dumbasses? Do you REALLY think that everything they are telling you is the God Honest truth? There's not one inkling in you that says, "Hmmm that seems fishy"? Or perhaps you just think it's easier to play their little game and humor them? Does it not make you sad for these poor folks that need your attention so desperately that they make up these horrible situations that some people really do have to deal with?
And what about you enablers that enable away in public only to scoff when that person leaves the room or up in a pm box? If it bothers you so, why do you allow them to do it?
I guess what I'm trying to say is: I don't understand the people that practically scream for attention all the time AND I don't understand those that give it to them.
~~~~~~~
I'M LEAVING CHAT FOREVER
Now how many times have we heard THAT phrase in a chat room? I never understood the point of this announcement. If someone hated chat so much that they were going to leave it forever, why would they bother to take the time to tell chat? You'd think they'd be in a hurry to start "forever" and get away from it. But no, for some reason, that extra jaunt through the halls of Yahoo is necessary.
so_and_so_dumbass says: I just wanted you all to know, that after today you won't be seeing me.
Normal_Human_Being says: me either. because after today is tomorrow, so therefore today is over and you will be seeing me tomorrow. but I guess tomorrow would be "today" tomorrow, so maybe you will.. I get confused about it all
so_and_so_dumbass says: no I mean it, I won't be back to chat anymore. I'm leaving..forever.
Normal_Human_Being says: k, there's the door! buhbye
ding_dong_idiot_enabler says: omg so_and_so!! whyyyyyy what's wronnnngggg what happeneddddddd????
so_and_so_dumbass says: it doesn't matter, I'm leaving no matter what
Normal_Human_Being says: see you tomorrow dumbass
And you know it's true.. if not tomorrow, then the next day or the next.. hell I've seen people leave chat forever and return within MINUTES! Wouldn't it save time and energy to just go into a room and say "PAY ATTENTION TO ME--I AM NEEDY!"
Now I get that sometimes real life has the audacity to interfere with chat, and thus "breaks" must be taken. But I’ve never gone into a room announcing that I wasn't going to be around as much. Honestly, would it affect any of you in any way if I had come in announcing it? No. It wouldn't and it shouldn't. In short, I'd only tell the people that were important to me.
If you DON'T know what I mean here's a recap: Don't come into the room announcing you're going to leave forever! Even if you ARE leaving forever.. JUST GO! The announcement isn't necessary. And if you MUST make the announcement, at least have the decency to follow through with it! Don't come back!
~~~~~~~
I think that the "iggy" button is funny. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad yahoo has it. I occasionally use it myself. I personally use it to block the spammers and the like. What strikes me as funny is when the person using it feels it's important to announce to everyone that they are!
Normal_Human_Being says: dammmn you SO can't sing!
so_and_so_dumbass says: I HEREBY WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE MY INTENTIONS TO FOREVER CLICK NORMAL_HUMAN_BEING!
Normal_Human_Being says: hotdog! Didn't you forever click me yesterday too??
so_and_so_dumbass says: CLICKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!
Don't these people realize that I absolutely could not care less that they have put me on ignore?? Is that supposed to make me feel bad in some way? I laugh at it! I think it's funny! Basically what you're saying when you announce to the room is: "This person has gotten under my skin sooo much, has annoyed me sooo much, has pissed me off so much that unless I put him on ignore I won't be able to enjoy myself here"
and I think that's kinda funny. I mean, WHY would you allow someone to upset you like that? And even if they ARE bothering you that much, WHY would you let everyone in chat know that they got under your skin?
Most of the people that get ignored actually TRY to get ignored! You know who they are... they come in with the big fonts, or.. as a tour group throughout chat, just being obnoxious. They ENJOY knowing that they can disrupt your good time. They WANT to see as many people as possible say they are clicking them. I find it's much more fun to beat them at their own game.
Just last night I confronted an ass that's been pestering some friends. I gave him a dose of his own medicine. Followed him from room to room, simply waving a hi to him.. he finally got the hint and logged off. Had I announced that I was ignoring him, he would have continued to pester her and would have some pleasure knowing that I was upset by it. Instead, I'm happy and he was upset. See how it works?
Anyway, I won't be changing my chat habits anytime soon, so.. if you feel you must announce that you've ignored me, keep in mind that I really don't care in the slightest and also, it won't stop me from saying what I want to say, when and where I want to say it.
~~~~~~~
It never ceases to amaze me what people will do for just a smidgen of attention.
Well first, there's the good (and I use the term "good" loosely--VERY loosely) ol emote entrance. I'm not sure why people do this, especially if they visit the same room over and over, and they keep on with the same emote. OK WE KNOW THAT YOU THINK YOU ARE A WOLF PERSON! YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL US EVERYTIME YOU COME IN! There was one particular fellow that used to frequent D1 and almost never typed out any lines. He relied entirely on emotes, and not good ones either (several spelling errors not to mention the sheer stupidity of them). In fact, I can recall getting myself in iggyland for speaking the heresy of not enjoying the emote assualt he would make us endure. I can't remember any of them word for word, but almost all of them had something to do with "Texas, steel rods, cowboy clothes ( dusters, hats, jeans, etc.), and lightning" It was extremely annoying. Why go to a chat room if what you're going to say is already said? I mean.. it's not like you're carrying a conversation, you're just cutting and pasting something that you thought up beforehand, not in reaction to anything that's going on in the room. If that's what you want to do, why not just write a story or something?
Another entrance that gets me is the one where the person comes in and says something like "goes right to my corner and settles in for a nap" or "comes in and goes to sleep".
Uh what's the point of THAT? This is usually the same person that will somehow wake up a couple minutes later to complain about how no one greeted them or even talked to them. Cmon, I KNOW you've seen it!!
That brings up another point.. what's with the whining and moaning if enough people don't say "hello" to you when you arrive? Does it really matter? And another thing, when I come into a room, and I say, "hello to all" that counts toward YOU. So don't be all wounded because I didn't type out your entire nickname with a hello slapped next to it.
As far as the exits go, the only thing that gets me is the people that say goodnight, then stick around until every person in the room says goodnight back, and complain if it doesnt happen fast enough. When I'm leaving, I usually say goodnight to the room and then goodnight to whoever I was talking to in PM, then that's it. I won't ever complain that every person in chat didn't say goodnight to me. That's just odd to me.
But then again, I never once said I was normal.
~~~~~~~
...I'm just not understanding the whole "Vampyre" thing. I've been told it's something to do with like, a human parent and a vampire parent or some nonsense like that. Is that even correct? Why the hell is it spelled "vampyre"? Why aren't they called something like "humire" or "vampan"? Well, whatever the case may be, I think it's silly and rather dumb. I'm not sure WHY anyone within their right mind would WANT to drink blood... I get that it's a life choice or something, but I just don't see a valid reason WHY. When did vampires become "sexy"? Does it have something to do with the way they are portrayed in movies ie. biting the neck? I don't think they bite there because it's sexual, I think they bite there because there's like major arteries there. I bet if they could get to the femoral artery on the leg they'd bite there instead. It would be much more efficient.
Speaking of when did stuff become sexy... could someone tell me when being an animal became sexy? I mean, there's SO many animal ID's in chat! I don't mind if it's a nickname or just a clever ID.. I don't have a problem with that. No, what gets me is the people that really think they are animals. Like the wolf-men. You know, they come in and you see something like this:
human_pretending_tobea_wolf says: enters the room and looks around with red eyes standing tall his body lean and muscular, clothes clinging tightly showing off his perfected physique, takes a seat and scans for a female to mate with
Normal_human_being says: people don't have red eyes, that's fake.
human_pretending_tobea_wolf says: glares toward normal_human_being and rises from the chair standing to his full height of 8ft tips his head back and howls a deafening roar tearing the clothes from his body as his true form begins to show teeth snarling as the wolf form takes over
human_pretending_tobea_wolf says: NOWWW WHAT HAVE YOU TO SAY TO ME LITTLE MAN?!
Normal_Human_Being says: ok first of all, wolves aren't 8ft. Even if they stand on their hind legs! second, I'm not sure if the room is ready to tolerate a drooling, naked 8ft giant in here.
These people bug the hell out of me. YOU'VE ALL SEEN THEM! ADMIT IT! I admit, I kinda get irritated by the cat people too--the ones that like, sit on laps and wag tails as they are pet. I dunno why, I can't seem to get this one thought out of my head as I read their posts: YOU ARE A PERSON!! I know it's harmless and all, and they aren't as irritating as the one-uppers, hypochondriacs, or the like, but.. it just kinda gets me.
And how come it's always cats, wolves, bears, bunnies, or foxes? How come there's no one that pretends to be an emu? Or a salamander? Or an anteater? Or a slug? Come on! Equal opportunity zoology here! We want some chat-slugs!!!
~~~~~~~
Today is a fun topic for me. There seems to be a devestating plague sweeping through chat and it's called: HYPOCHONDRIA!
hy·po·chon·dri·a
The persistent conviction that one is or is likely to become ill, often involving symptoms when illness is neither present nor likely
I KNOW you've all been a witness to the many hypochondriacs in chat. Yes I realize that sometimes people, who happen to be in chat, DO actually get sick. I'm not THAT jaded (yet). My rant is about the person that is ALWAYS sick. Not just always sick, but is always sick with something new each time they are seen.
so_and_so_dumbass says: so, I had to go to the ER today. I've had this horrible pain in the side of my head. The doctors can't seem to figure it out but they think it's the cause of my fainting spells from yesterday. And they say the fainting spells caused the muscle weakness in my calf. And the muscle weakness in my calf was the cause of the ingrown toenail I have.
ding_dong_idiot_enabler says: oh no! that is HORRIBLE, I'll be praying for you to get better hon! hugggggsssssssssssssssssssssss
Normal_Human_Being says: she should be taken out and shot immediately.
I mean really, WHY do people do shit like this? Do they really expect us to believe that they are THAT sick.. ALL the damn time? And another thing, WHYYYYY would you even WANT someone to think you're sick? Especially when you're hanging out in a sex room--I dunno about you folks but when I want sex, I prefer it to be with someone who's healthy. I invite you to come forward with any valid explanations. "Just wanting attention" is not valid! This is the only reason I can come up with--and it makes no sense. Do they do it for pity? If so, WHY? I don't want people to pity me.. why would you want to be pitied by someone? I think these hypochondriacs are so NEEDY and so insecure that they would do ANYTHING for attention, even make up stories about how sick they are. Which in turn, really proves that they are indeed, sick sick sick.
~~~~~~~
Today's rant has blossomed into a full-on tirade! This issue gets me so worked up that I start to use words like "tirade"! How many of you have seen this in a chat room:
random_chat_person says: man, I was at work today and I think I strained my back. I took an advil and it's STILL sore.
so_and_so_dumbass says: that's NOTHING.. I have 18 slipped discs and I'm taking percocet, darvocet, vicodin AND a horse tranquilizer for the pain! and I'm STILL hurting! ANNNND I can't work because of it so you should be happy!
random_chat_person says: wow, that does sound bad, what did the doctor tell you to do?
so_and_so_dumbass says: that's not even the worst part! I didn't even mention that I have to chat standing on one foot with my head tilted to the left and my right arm draped over my neck!
Ok so maybe no one's seen THIS particular scenario, but you know what I'm talking about--the ONE-UPPING that people feel the need to do. No matter WHAT you say, this person's got to out-do it. And it's not just with health--oh no, it can be done with ANYTHING... observe...
random_chat_person says: guess what! My brother gave me tickets to the Laker game, I'm really excited because I have never gone before--the seats aren't the best but they're not terrible either.
so_and_so_dumbass says: ohhh I can get Laker tickets ANYtime I want to. I know a guy. And I also get to hang out in the locker room with the team and I always go to the parties afterward. I even get to push the lil cart that collects the jock straps when the game is over.
See? is that necessary? Why can't these people let the other person have their moment of happiness. Why is it so important to feel like YOU have it sooo much better? What difference does it even make? Even if it was true, and I do believe most of the time it isnt, so what? This person can't be happy with his situation? Why must they make the other person feel bad for not getting the same thing?
I mean, it's one thing if you have had a similar situation happen to you and you share it with the person... that's called "empathy". Empathy is ok, it's comforting to people, and even helps people out.
random_chat_person says: ugh my computer crashed and I think I lost everything on my hard drive!
other_random_chat_person says: that happened to me too! make sure you check if you can get into your registry, I was able to get some stuff back that way.
so_and_so_dumbass says: that's NOTHING, when MY computer crashed, I called the help desk and it was so far gone that they had me send my comp so that they could do tests and studies on it so that it'll never happen again to any other consumer! Bill Gates himself was trying to fix it for me!
Can you tell the difference there? What is the POINT of that comment? THINK before you say stuff people, because if you don't, and I'm around, I'm calling you on it. And believe me, I LIKE making people like YOU, feel as dumb as we all know you are
~~~~~~~
I am also going to discuss "fishing". Not the kind of fishing where you get up at an ungodly hour and wear a stupid hat and sit on a boat for hours and hours, drinking beer, sitting in the sun, doing nothing but wondering if there are even fish in the waters beneath you.. no, not THAT fishing.. I'm talking.. CHAT fishing.
We all have witnessed chat fishing at sometime or another. Hell, we all might even be guilty of it once or twice. But there are some that THRIVE on it, some that simply have no other means to get attention than to go fishing. Here's a common example of chat fishing:
so_and_so_dumbass enters the room
so_and_so_dumbass says: slinks over to a dark bleak desolate corner of the room and covers up with a blanket so no one can see me or my pain...
so_and_so_dumbass says: sighhhhhhhhhhhssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
ding_dong_idiot_enabler says: omg so_and_so, are you ok?? whats wrong??
Ok look, is there REALLY a need to do things like this? If you're that upset about something, find a friend on your messenger list, pm them and say, "hey friend of mine, I could really use your advice right now" or "hey friend, I need to be listened to" Must the entire room be put through the theatrics?
Not all fishing is for attention. Some is a simple ego booster. Example:
so_and_so_dumbass says: omg I am soooooo ugly! I'm so ugly that ugly people get offended when people call me ugly!!
so_and_so_dumbass says: no really, I look like someone set my face on fire and put it out with a rake!
ding_dong_idiot_enabler says: oh that can't be true! send me a pic...
so_and_so_dumbass says: omg ok! but it'll break your comp! ackkk I've warned you!
ding_dong_idiot_enabler says: omg I got your pic! wtf are you talking about?? you're sooooo cute! you're not even NEAR ugly!
Are we really this insecure about ourselves people? Come on. I guess I just don't see the point of "fishing" especially because the people that do it, I think they KNOW that people are going to tell them what they want to hear anyway, so it's not like it's a true read on their feelings.
So if you see me say something like, "grabs my pole and casts a line" then you know someone is "fishing" and I won't be one of the ding dong idiot enablers.
~~~~~~~
Chat life is funny, I've learned that feelings are very real here, and I accept that. I'm thankful for that. The people I love from here, I really do LOVE.. annnnd conversely, those I hate, I really do hate. It's fairly easy to get on my list of those I dislike, but it's extremely difficult to get removed from the list. I go into chat to hang out, talk with friends etc. You know, just like everyone else... but I can't seem to control the urge to point out people's stupidity. Sometimes it gets me into trouble, usually it just gets me ignored. Either way, I don't care.
Ok, what I mean is.. if you're gonna come into chat and use a font that takes up everyone's entire screen, or depend on emotes to express yourself, at least have the common sense to spell correctly! Take the extra nano-second to spell out entire words like "you" or "are". Learn the difference between "your" and "you're". Come on! Show us you have at least half a brain! Don't make it so easy for me!!
It's not just poor grammar that gets me irritated. It's all around stupidity. Like, if you're gonna scene in a room, in public.. be prepared to get comments about it. If you say "breats" or if you tell someone that their "clam is tighter than a red lobster special" then fuck yeah you better be ready to hear a comment from me. If you don't want to see any comments about your scene here's a tip: DON'T DO IT IN THE ROOM!
On the same note, if you don't want to hear about how awful you sing, DON'T DO IT IN VC where everyone can hear you! And people, if someone sings bad, have the balls to say so. Don't let the poor creature go on believing they have a voice if they don't. It's ok that not everyone can sing. Don't feed their ego! Stand up and tell them-- "You cannot sing! My ears are bleeding! WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WON'T YOU STOP BUTCHERING THAT SONG!!!"
Try it sometime…it's fun, but it might get you iggied *grinz*
Wednesday, April 5, 2006
Live A Life That Matters
There will be no more sunrises, no seconds, minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else or become cosmic dust.
Your wealth, fame, and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will disappear completely.
So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that might have seemed so important will fade away.
At the end, it won't matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived.
It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be totally irrelevant.
So what will matter?
How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance to others and the world around you. What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught and gave back.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate you.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you are gone.
What will matter are not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you unconditionally.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what you did in a positive sense.
Living a life that matters does not happen by accident.
It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
I therefore recently chose to live a life that matters.
Author: Dr. Hudson
Tuesday, April 4, 2006
A Reminder to Myself
Life's circumstances are not always what you wish them to be. The pattern of life does not necessarily go as you plan. Beyond any understanding, you may at times be led in different directions that you never imagined, dreamed, or designed. Yet, if you had never put any effort into choosing a path, or tried to carry out your dream, then perhaps you would have no direction at all.
Rather than wondering about or questioning the direction your life has taken, accept the fact that there is a path before you now. Shake off the "why's" and "what if's", and rid yourself of confusion. Whatever WAS is in the past. Whatever IS is what's important. The past is a brief reflection. The future is yet to be realized. Today is here.
Walk your path one step at a time ~ with courage, faith and determination. Keep your head up, and cast your dreams to the stars. Soon your steps will become firm, and your footing solid again. A path you never imagined will become the most comfortable direction you could have ever hoped to follow.
Keep your belief in yourself and walk into your new journey. You will find it magnificent, spectacular, and beyond your wildest imaginings.